No. 37 — Parenting in the New Paradigm ft. Alex Cantone
Parenting changes you forever — but what happens when you’re evolving just as quickly as your child is? This InSight features my friend and Child Development expert Alex Cantone in a grounded conversation about the raw reality of conscious parenting in a modern world.
From the sleeplessness of newborn life to reimagining education systems, Alex weaves her background in Human Design with lived experience as a mother of two, revealing what it truly means to raise — and become — an aware human.
A Self-Projected Projector with a 6/2 Profile — and mother of two Touch Cognition children — Alex offers embodied wisdom on how Variables shape family dynamics, nourishment, and emotional awareness in everyday life.
✨ In this conversation:
• The vulnerability and capacity of parents in the early years
• How Human Design reveals what children truly need
• Redefining “discipline” as structure and safety
• Why rest, support, and community are essential to thriving families
• How new-paradigm parenting invites us to rebuild education itself
In this InSight, we discuss:
00:00 Understanding Parenting Through Experience
08:56 The Shift in Perspective: From Theory to Practice
17:50 Navigating the Challenges of Parenting
26:41 The Importance of Community and Support
35:32 Rethinking Education: The School System and Alternatives
48:24 Designing a New Educational Paradigm
59:18 The Role of Parents in Child Development
Alex Cantone (00:00.14)
I didn't fully understand that parent because I couldn't fully understand that parent because I had no idea. I had no idea what it was like until I was in it. And I was, kind of giggled to myself sometimes cause I'm like, I was probably suggesting some really outlandish crazy shit for them to do that I was thinking, it's so easy. Just do this and do that. And it's like, you don't always have the capacity to do this and do that.
Hi, I'm Vanessa Henry. I'm a 6/2 Ego Manifestor and welcome to Insights. In my conversation today, I'm talking with my dear friend, Alex Cantone, a fellow 6/2 profile, but a self-projected projector, an expert in child development, and one of the original voices I took in in the 2010s, who was talking about parenting by design and human design energetics in kids. Before becoming a mom, Alex earned her master's in child development and special education, and she even taught within the school system.
but then she did something radical. She left these areas, stopped teaching so that she could actually have experience embodying this and raising her own family. Now a mother of two, she sees things very differently. You could say she's seeing it through all new eyes. We talk about real things that are concerning parents today, the exhaustion, the aloneness, the confusion over so much information, and we take a really close look.
leaning on her knowledge from her previous education and experience that she has in her world. And we look at it through the lens of what she's learning now as an actual parent. She shares with me the things that she might have done differently, what she's doing now, and even some really meaningful moments from a thirst color child who needs to have his tea in the fridge before he drinks it. Or how her appetite eater child needs to have everything Miss Rachel in order to properly digest it.
If you've ever wondered how to raise your children or re-raise yourself, this conversation is going to hit very, very deep.
Vaness Henry (02:00.846)
do you to get in your back? Hello Alex. Alex, hello, welcome back to the show. How are you?
Hello, Vanna. Hello,
Alex Cantone (02:11.919)
I am great. I'm just just living.
Great. She's a splenic. Oh my God, she's not. I'm so sorry. She's a self-projected projector. I'm all out of sorts now from our little funny little intro. But I wanted to have you back on the show. You're kind of my go-to expert on child energetics. You have a lot of knowledge here. And in recent years, as a fellow six too, you've gone on the roof and you've moved away from that. And you're still my go-to expert on this.
Would you, for anybody who doesn't know you, because you are a little bit pulled away right now, you have had two kids, you are postpartum, what's your background in the first life phase before you went on the roof?
okay. So I have a degree in child development and special education and developmental models of autism intervention. That's my master's. and I was a teacher for a few years, very short lived career in the public school system. And then I've also worked in some private schools. So I've just had a lot of experience in
Ex-
Alex Cantone (03:25.908)
schools, especially in early education and special education. along the way of my education teaching experience, I discovered human design and was immediately curious about the children who I was working with and how that could play a role in children's individuality. so that became my obsession for a very long time.
And that's how my since gone Instagram account kind of took off was just talking about parenting children, specifically just child development. mean, I think I positioned myself as this kind of parenting guide, parenting expert almost. And then as I worked with parents and they came to me with these struggles that I didn't
really quite understand. Like I could really understand their kid when I was looking at them and when I was hearing what they were saying, but I was struggling with how to support the parent in maybe more of their emotional experiences and hardships. And because of that, I became sort of intimidated by the space and I was like, well, I'm not a parent, so I can't.
do what I feel like I need to do for these parents until I have the experience myself of being a parent. And I pulled away from it before I became a parent myself and then sort of just moved into my own personal journey and sharing that with the community that I had built through the parenting and child industry. But
Yeah, just something just fell off there. So I just pulled away entirely and kind of needed to. Yeah, I had to go on the roof. had to do that thing and happened to get pregnant back to back as I was doing that. So now here I am. Two babies.
Vaness Henry (05:39.19)
kind of positioned as child energetics, but I heard you say child development. That sounded, you know, quite bang on to me. Is that how you like to refer to things?
I mean, that's the thing that I've always been most interested in is just child development from infancy into young adulthood and really specifically birth to seven, those first seven years of development. That's something that I've always been drawn to kids who are seven and under.
We also find that's very important in human design as well.
Yeah, and that was something I was drawn to before discovering human design. then once I discovered human design and was so, what's the word I'm looking for? It was so, yeah, affirmed, I guess, that the first seven years are just so crucial and so important for the development of the alignment in your human design. It just coincided with everything that my studies in child development told me about what is important.
of a first
Alex Cantone (06:39.7)
as a parent, a caregiver, as anyone spending time around kids to know and understand and to facilitate in growth and development for kids.
heard was in order to actually have meaningful child development, you have to get to the parents and actually support the parents and empower the parents and understanding the children because these people who you worked with before were kind of like, how the heck do you know so much about my child? Like in this peculiar specific way, which you can now see your human design studies had kind of influenced that. You knew a lot about the, your, this is quite the background. Like your back, your background is quite the background.
And just so it's been said, that's quite the background. And you decided to leave in a way because you wanted to go get the real life experience to do a better job. It's almost like you, I felt like you were telling us about a sort of imposter syndrome. Yes, I have all this knowledge, but I see that I need to kind of get to the parents, but I'm not a parent. So who am I to, there's an interesting story there. And just so it's been said, I have mad respect that you pulled away.
in your expertise to hone in more on your expertise through your own children. And I know you're like, I pulled away first before I had children, but because you're making the space for that to come in. And if anybody wants to watch that process, they can go watch the HDIRL series where we see you fall in love. We see you have your inner vision sense come alive. And because just a moment of the brilliance in your design, you're self-projected projector. You're a 6/2 profile on the roof. So you're a role model hermit.
you're a shores person, and you're also a thirst eater with an inner vision tone. So you're a visionary. This is what's special about you. And you have a sense of smell on your shore. So your instincts are keen when you're in an aligned environment. And so the part of the six line profile, a huge part of our development is, know, once we have that Saturn return age 28, 29, 30 in this sort of window, we go on the roof, we disconnect and detach from that first life phase, and we really
Vaness Henry (08:44.65)
integrate, we really reflect on what it is we were going through. But now here you are. I know what it's like when the child and you have two kids is a toddler, is an infant, that is so all-consuming. How has this experience shifted everything you understood before in the way you were supporting parents?
Alex Cantone (09:07.288)
Well, I think that I am able to recognize now how vulnerable the parents were who were coming to me. I'm not sure how I treated them or how they felt about how I was supporting them. That doesn't really, I can't control that, right? So that doesn't, that's not like what I, that's not what keeps me up at night by any means. But I think about, wow, like I didn't, I didn't fully understand that parent because
I couldn't fully understand that parent because I had no idea. had no idea what it was like until I was in it. And I was, I kind of giggled to myself sometimes cause I'm like, I was probably suggesting some really outlandish crazy shit for them to do that I was thinking, it's so easy. Just do this and do that. And it's like, you don't always have the capacity to do this and do that. So a lot of how I look at it now is
how to have grace with yourself and work within your capacity to support your child while also understanding that you're not going to be able to give them everything they need perfectly 100 % of the time. And that it's just not always as plain and simple as what might be in a chart or what this outside thing is saying about your kid. know, a lot of it is acting
in integrity with yourself and what I, like human design talk, your inner authority so that you can trust the decisions that you're making for your child because at a young age, they can't really make decisions for themselves. And that's like a really challenging thing about toddlerhood because toddlers, all they want to do is exert control in every single situation. And there's so much that's out of control for them. And I think that's why people are like,
Oh my gosh, the terrible twos, they're so awful, blah, blah, blah, blah. mean, I have... No, I don't like it. And I have a very willful, assertive toddler who wants to do everything that he wants his way. And if I serve him yogurt and it's too cold or too hot, just came out of the fridge, my thirst boy, I have to put it in the freezer for him. And I have to do certain things for him to accommodate his needs. And human design gives me that...
Vaness Henry (11:05.966)
That means a rebrand.
Alex Cantone (11:31.276)
like grace and gives me that pause where I'm like, okay, he's not being, he's actually asking for control in this experience. He's actually just asserting his wants and his needs, even if they seem absolutely ridiculous in this experience. And, yeah, it's just, it's just not about doing human design parenting right for me. It's about being able to sort of.
You're brat.
Alex Cantone (12:01.568)
either in the moment or later when I'm processing, step away from that experience and be like, huh, how did that play a role in that? But I don't really do it consciously because I think I have the system kind of integrated in my awareness. So that's just how I'm like looking at things, even if I'm not consciously thinking that I'm looking at things that way. But overall, I think that where I'm at now is
looking at parenting and being like, is so hard. This is so all consuming. Like you said, this is taking so much out of me every single day. How can I just find that space where I feel resource enough to give to my kid what my kid needs in what I feel is
in alignment with them and who they are and what they're showing me and how can I really like kind of get out of their way. And that's something that I actually very much connect with with what I used to say to parents because now I can see the experience of being a parent and seeing your kid like go out in the world or have a relationship with someone or have relationships with your family members. And as the mom, especially like wanting to be in all of it and wanting to
add your, well he actually does it this way or actually he's more like this.
just get a bad rap for that.
Alex Cantone (13:29.29)
Yeah, and being aware of like, things happen and not making things be perfect while they're happening, but being there more as an external regulator and a source for maybe like, correction or just an emotional safety if something does happen that I'm like, it shouldn't have gone down that way, but I'm here for him now.
And that's where it's shifted for me is not, it's not about creating the perfect formula or the perfect roadmap to make sure that things unfold perfectly in every single moment. It's about observing things happening in the moment and then responding to those things in a way that either I do or don't feel good about. And then I have to repair that again, you know, and it's just like, it's a constant ever evolving process of just figuring out how can I
be the best parent for my child by taking care of me and taking care of them and having kind of having to have a balancing act there. And sometimes one takes precedent over the other and then that's just how it has to be. It's like, I just never know what I'm going to get each day and I have to accept that. And that's hard.
When I came to visit you and you were pregnant with Sienna and I came to Colorado to stay for a few days, one of the things that stood out to me, we both raised cave sons. so one, you were very pregnant at the time. And so there was an aspect of there's only so much I can do. But what I really observed was the permission for your son to be able to go do what he wants, because he's like a climber. He would want to kind of get in things. And sometimes he would fall.
or hurt himself or whatever and you didn't make a huge deal of it. You were like, oh, you fell off that slide and you were simply narrating the experience. I think this is such a moment because the same way the parent reacts, oh my God, are you okay? We usually start to cry then. This was not an upsetting thing that happened. You're crawling all over the slide. you.
Alex Cantone (15:28.846)
Take this-
Alex Cantone (15:36.686)
The child.
Vaness Henry (15:44.696)
There was an effortless narration, again, you're self-projected, yes, you were very pregnant, but you couldn't go in and micromanage his playtime. Even if you would have wanted to, there was just this, I was like, she's got a different kind of wisdom. And I was the person who had the cave kid who was like, careful. And so then that turned into the kid who's afraid of everything. How may I reflect? How may I reflect? And so part of my reflection was in seeing
reflect.
Vaness Henry (16:11.394)
the natural encouragement, the natural affirmation that was coming out of you through the narration of his experience. It was very impactful for me to kind of take in. And what I feel like I heard you say now is parents are very vulnerable. They don't always have capacity for whatever is necessary. And parenting itself is so all consuming.
And the parent is so bombarded with information that they need an immense amount of grace for themselves because they're being bombarded with what to do and they don't have capacity and they're very vulnerable and they likely don't have as much community support as they actually need. So now that you, I'm going to go ahead and say, I don't necessarily think that's what you observed in your first life phase when you were in it while you were that third line version of yourself. Do you could do this, you could do this, do this. Now there is this.
Objective zoomed out overview that almost seems to have I'm gonna say way more respect for the parent It's as if the focus before was yes on the children Because it's his child development, but there it does seem to have been some flip of The most gracious thing I could do to actually get to the child Is to educate the parent is to empower the parent is to recognize the vulnerability the aloneness the bombardment that
all consuming nature that the parent goes through. You're nodding, what's coming up for you?
Alex Cantone (17:37.538)
Yeah, I mean, I think maybe I was a little hard on the parent when I wasn't a parent because I was like, I think the world is hard in the parent. I think the world has really high expectations for the parent to be a certain way all the time. And there's times where I can be the way that I want to be. And there's times where I have no idea how I'm being because I'm just so
The world is hard on the parent.
Alex Cantone (18:04.174)
tired, exhausted, and mentally done and touched out with my two frickin touch kids who always want to be touching me. I know. so I'm like, I just don't always have it in me. And I think I look back and again, like I really don't have any regrets, which is surprising because usually I can I like hold things.
but I don't hold.
I don't hold on to how I was in that phase because I just didn't know what I didn't know. I imagine I was hard on the parent and had a lot of judgments towards the parent that I would maybe hear back now and be like, girl, shut the fuck up and sit down. Like, you have no fucking idea what it's like.
Well, if I may, if I may, I want to jump in just to narrate some of the brilliance in your own consciousness. You're a hope motivation person. So there is this natural uplifting essence to you. have a few six line friends who are hope motivation and you do all really share this. You know, when you're aligned, there is just simply this way of understanding the world that I find naturally empowering because it's not your responsibility and you don't have to, you know, the grace it takes to recognize the vulnerability in the parent.
is going to really influence how you would connect with that parents when you're able to assess where they're at. And it sounds like you maybe didn't have that before, but you have this undertone in your consciousness of judgment. You have a judgment sense that influences your hope motivation. So there is this aspect of your consciousness, the way it learns, the way it becomes more aware, that is always assessing, is this a yes or a no? Do I stand for this or do I not? And it's important for you to do that. It's important for you to...
Vaness Henry (19:51.054)
have that judgment within you. Because if you don't trust that, all of a sudden you start to have things come into your life that aren't okay for you. Making the judgment call is very important for you. And now, interesting what I'm hearing is you're thinking, I maybe judge, I was maybe a little bit too hard. And so now there's a, this is a very evolved sense of the mind, know, very evolved sense within the consciousness. And now your judgment has circled back again, you're going, hmm, perhaps I was too much, perhaps I was too hard.
You know, what would you want, like what would you say to parents now? Now with what you know, there's a parent who is a newborn, they're struggling. Let's just use the language of human design because we meet there. This is a parent learning about their own energy system. And I work with a lot of parents who also want to know about the kids because they want to know, I want to raise this child in a way that's healthy for them. I don't want to put my shit on them.
and I know that I have a cold thirst eater and sometimes the yogurt is too warm for the kid and I don't have to scold or get mad at the kid, I can be like, wow, my kid is so brilliant. He knows what is good for him to intake. You can see how that would easily get lost. You're tired, just eat your yogurt. I got the yogurt, just my God. But actually you're deeply respecting the child in my perspective because you're empowered with information that you maybe wouldn't have been empowered with. So let's entertain now, there's the parent.
They're learning about themselves. They're learning about their child. What do you say to them? How do you extend this grace to them in that they're doing a good job? The child is lucky to have them. But how would you guide them now?
Hmm. Well, what are they struggling with?
Vaness Henry (21:26.178)
So that's what you would look for, Power View. Where's the struggle? Where's the breakdown? So where has been your greatest struggles?
I mean, in the newborn phase, for me, it's lack of sleep. I would have six kids if I was guaranteed sleep for the next four from the start. So for me, it's like I don't have my sleep, then I have nothing.
You're not rested, you haven't recharged your energy. So the most important thing for the parent when the child is in newborn state, the most important thing for the child is sleep. So the most important thing for the parent is sleep as well. So at this time of this huge moment of entering reality, sleep is the number one priority I'm hearing.
And I think I've talked to a lot of moms who are like, yeah, I've just learned how to function off of three, four hours and that's just my new normal and that's what I do. I'm like, I am not that. So I think that in order to know how to properly guide a parent or talk to a parent, I have to know what is there, what's the thing that they're struggling most with in this transition in the postpartum period or just in the post baby period if you're a father, you know, but.
Bye, baby.
Vaness Henry (22:40.834)
People are going to comment below then about, let's have, I want the comments below to come to say what the stages are, but actually Al, maybe you're introducing a nice little path for us. Let's go with the newborn stage. Sure. What do we need to know? And then we'll move on to some other stages. What do we need to know about the newborn stage in order? And we're talking about the parent now. We know how important it is to raise these children and give them the things that they need and raise them with awareness, but we cannot do that.
If we are not self-aware, we're just going to unconsciously, and we do anyway, put stuff on them. So what does the parent need to know in that newborn phase? What do they need to know about themselves, the family unit, and the child?
I think you need to know how you need to be taken care of because so much of the postpartum period is needing people to take care of you because and you're taking care of this thing when you need to be the one who's taking care of it. I didn't know that until the second baby. So the first time it was like, I don't know what to ask for. I don't know how to ask for help. don't know what I need. This is brand new. And I think
Part of what you need to know is like, is brand new. You've never done this before. You're going to figure it out through the experience. Chills all of a sudden?
I have two- Now that sounded like the start of a book. I'll put that out there.
Vaness Henry (24:09.614)
Yeah, well, it was the way you introduced the entire concept and I got... I was like, I'm just gonna jump in, say what happened there just so there's an opportunity that can open should she ever want it. Yeah, okay, okay, very powerful. gentleness.
Yeah, you just don't know. What you need to know is there's a lot that you don't know and this is all new and you're not going to have it right, right away. You might not have it right ever and that's okay. This period is so hard. For me, the first six months, both times, was the hardest period of my parenting experience so far.
don't resonate.
That was my most challenging.
I just don't resonate with parents yet who say, just wait until they get older. Oh, just wait until they're two. Oh, just wait until they start going to school. I'm like, I don't experience any of that. What's true for me and what's really hard for me is I've just been like ripped open and I'm healing and now I have to take care of this thing that doesn't know And I'm maybe breastfeeding.
Vaness Henry (25:21.55)
Eating. Breastfeeding off me. There's so much I need to be cared for.
Yeah, I'm being depleted. So even if you don't get it really like it all the pieces together, know how to ask for what you need. And I think that's what's just really important in any relationship, right? Like you should be able to ask your partner for what you need and ask your partner for what you want. And you should feel safe. In my opinion, you should feel safe to be able to verbalize your wants and needs to
whoever is taking care of you through this phase, whether it's your partner, whether it's your mom, your mother-in-law.
So when we're alone, what do we do when the relationship broke down or I'm going to be parenting this child on my own? What do you think would be the most supportive thing if they do not have that partner? Who should I seek? Who should I lean on? Because it's an impossible task alone and yet many women do it. Some men do it. What would be the best way to support themselves through that?
I, you have to get help. Like that's my, my personal opinion is you have to find help in some way. It's not biologically, like we're not supposed to do that alone. And obviously some people are in situations where they, they have to, something tragic happens or the relationship. But you need to find people. You have to go out of your comfort zone to ask for help and to ask for what you need, even if you don't get.
Vaness Henry (26:47.074)
Chitballs of our community then.
Alex Cantone (26:59.468)
everything that
have to do it on your own. Even if you think you do, even if the situation forces you to think that that's all that's available, it's not. It's not. needed is for you to accept and admit, need help in this. And that ultimately will be what's best for baby. The parent needs to be in good spirits. When we have these children who are incredibly evolved, have these incredibly evolved tones, like feeling, like touch somewhere in their body's design, we are learning.
That's what I was gonna say too, yeah.
Vaness Henry (27:28.344)
that they're eating the energy and atmosphere around the caregivers. They're eating and absorbing and digesting the energy in the home. If mom is in a very bad place, so is baby. And that's really devastating. That's why we don't wanna pile on moms, but the reality of the situation is if you're hurting, so is baby at this time because you're so connected. And that's a way to actually get to mom to go, okay, I gotta ask for help. Whether it's who, and that can be anywhere, whether it's my...
circle, whether it's my family, whether it is seeking something in the community, you know, it's a fallacy that we think we have to do it on our own. This is a symptom of the isolation within our larger culture that we're in. we've been hearing some of the most ancient wisdom we hear from parents is it takes a village.
And now it may be because we're in these times of separation and isolation, we have to be a little bit more conscious and intentional about seeking that out because the world has changed, because we live these more isolated lives. But what I'm hearing from you is what's best for baby is if mom is deeply supported or if mom is not there. If primary caregiver is deeply supported by the community, that's what's best for baby. Is that fair?
Yes, absolutely. mean, you just have to, you have to find help. doesn't mean you have to pay for help. If you can, that certainly helps.
A privilege that you should, but if you can afford it, go for it. Yep.
Alex Cantone (29:00.77)
But for me, the biggest, the thing that was most challenging was the first 10 months of Hartley's life. This is baby one. I, I had a traumatic birth. I, And I was really attached to the idea of being around him all the time. And that was, that's what feels natural as a mother in the beginning, especially when you're breastfeeding, you know, and I,
There's a whole other thing.
Alex Cantone (29:30.764)
just wanted to be there for everything. wanted to have eyes on everything. Like I didn't want there to be a moment where I wasn't around him. But then I craved having a break, but I didn't want to take that break.
I love this person so much and I'm so exhausted from them. Like, I want to be there every waking moment, but my god, I just need someone to step in for that war. Yeah.
I struggle with that hard. mean, I really, and I struggle with that too day hard of, gosh, I just don't want to miss a single breath and please someone else take care of my kids so I can just have a moment to myself. And then also feeling very bitter and resentful because I feel like even the moment that I have to myself doesn't feel like I truly get to have a break. I never feel like I actually get to have a break because they just live in my
cells now and I'm always thinking about them, right? So it's part of the-
No, you didn't have that awareness in the first life phase when you had all this these masters and this education you didn't necessarily have the embodied knowing of that deep struggle. Of the feeling. I know as a parent to know the person on the other side supporting me has that aware embodiment. I would choose them over someone who didn't have it. Yeah.
Vaness Henry (31:07.918)
It's almost like they see me in a way instead of just trying to fix me because so much or, you know, and ultimately we want to do what's best for the child, but we're learning that comes through what we do for the parent. And if there isn't an acknowledgement or something, somebody who doesn't have that experience can acknowledge it, but it just for me feels different when the person on the other side knows the experience intimately. That's why I said to you earlier, I have mad respect for the move you made.
Because I think it's a it's you're in a deeper study. I think that is your world like you're a shores person I think that is your world it is child development But it is also the embodiment of being a parent and knowing what parents need. This is it's all so connected So when we get back to this newborn experience, we know both mom and baby need rest a lot of rest Of course, you've just gone through one of the biggest traumas the body can go through you split in two and you have something now outside yourself there's gonna be
And we can have really traumatic birth experiences, which you did have a traumatic birth experience. I did as well and almost died during labor. And then I've got to come back into my body and I'm so responsible for someone and like, I'm not sure if I'm coming or going and your hormones are changing. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm doing in that phase. I'm exhausted. now this person needs me and I'm not my best self because I'm exhausted. that's torture. That's torture for a human being. So.
That's all.
Vaness Henry (32:34.978)
Baby needs adequate rest, mom needs adequate rest, support is very much needed. It cannot fall on one person. Support needs to be achieved wherever is necessary. What else do we need to know about the newborn experience if we're trying to be as respectful, loving, gracious, compassionate to baby and parents in that moment?
You've become a creator. You've become, you've created life now. In my family's culture, this is synonymous with God.
think one of the things that can be really hard just because we've sort of been programmed by our society to keep it going and be fast, right? And just move along and like you've got the birth and that was the event and now you have the baby and now that's a whole other thing. my experience has been that
everything has taken so much more time to process than the sort of allotted time that I'm being given by whoever to do the processing and do the healing and doing all of that. I think because we are programmed, then the people around us can forget that we are still going through
something months later when it's like, but you know, the baby's three months old now. That was forever ago. And it's like, we're still in the thick of it. We're still here. And what's interesting is like, I think this keeps happening as you have multiples is
Alex Cantone (34:25.77)
You have one, right? And you're like, I don't know what's going on at all. And I don't know until I look back. And sometimes I don't even know. Now I can see my first year with Hartley so much more clearly now that I've done a whole year with another one. And then if I had another one, I'm sure I'd be like, my gosh, what were we doing then? And what were we doing then? And then also there's an element to like, when you have more, then you're also on the schedule of
the other ones. it almost you have to find that balance of it being like
Alex Cantone (35:03.357)
you're still parenting another child when you're learning how to have this other one. I'm not like this whole, is about the experience. They're different. And like with Hartley, was, I was so like, I'm going to let him nap for as long as he naps and I'm going to let him sleep for as long as he sleeps. And he's up at three in the morning. And if he wants to play for four hours, that's just what he's going to do. And we're going to follow his lead and we're going to like,
different. not the same.
Alex Cantone (35:31.904)
totally and completely let him run the show in that way. And then Sienna was born and I was like, I am sleeping at this time. I am waking her up for this feeding. Like I wasn't super diligent about it, but I was more scheduled with her and she's a hundred percent my better sleeper and has a different emotional experience than Hartley has.
there. Sienna was cool. I was able to come when you were pregnant with her and she was born as an ego manifestor. I was like, that's fun. We're a rare breed. It's interesting to me that almost like a heart ego energy came into you when she was born. No, what's worth it for me? What you know, it's almost like you took your power back when that energy came. Does Hartley have a defined heart?
No, he has a completely open heart and he's emotional authority.
Totally open ego. And he's, my son can be very willful. He, we're going to let him run the show. There's a deeper teaching in there to me as a listener. And then when Sienna came, the second baby came who has this heart definition, it is her authority. Her projector mom then went, almost, yeah, almost took her car back. So you're going to be impacted by these children differently.
Hmm.
Vaness Henry (36:59.15)
Hartley being emotional authority would have impacted your emotions very intensely and Sienna being ego authority would impact your heart very intensely. is just interesting.
Well, is her heart defined unconsciously? Do you have their charts pulled up right now? I just want to know if her heart was defined in my body.
Of course.
Vaness Henry (37:19.948)
Yes, it is. She has the 51 to 25 totally unconscious, but there's a conscious overlay on the 25.
Okay. Her design date when it was in my body before she was born, then that means that I was being conditioned by her.
There's another, girl, I love when you go off about the design of pregnancy. I'm not sure if we're going to get into that today, but the knowledge that you have on the way the child is in utero, what that whole experience was, because you were able to go through your pregnancies with that knowledge. think that's just, absolutely incredible. But I'm wanting to ask something specific because you had variable awareness when both the kids were born. And to begin with, Hartley, he's a cold thirst kid like you.
And you we hear a lot of stories about breastfeeding can be difficult because we're giving them something warm. And I know I've heard Ra talk about this. He's like, think about these cold thirst babies. The second they come out, we're breastfeeding them and we know that they're cold. One of the things I noticed when I was there was he had his own little, I want to say he had his own like Stanley or something. And this kid crushed water like nobody's, but he was always, and it was cold. What?
Were you able to notice, well, first of all, did you notice anything about that breastfeeding experience? And were you able to see his touch cognition, his cold thirst determination when he was an infant, when he's a newborn? You could recognize it already.
Alex Cantone (38:50.06)
Yeah, 100%. Well, one, he was just very thirsty and very demanding of my breast and then would get very finicky about like how it was happening. And he bottles really well that I would warm, but like keep at room temperature before I gave them to him. really cognizant of not giving him.
touch
Vaness Henry (39:12.43)
interesting
Alex Cantone (39:16.654)
piping hot bottle. And I can't say that everyone who would give him a bottle, because I let other people do that sometimes, follow that same thing. But I was like, you know what, if it's like 80 % of the time, how I think it should be happening, I'm okay with that. And I also have like no evidence that this is actually going to be making a difference. So I also take a lot of stuff like this kind of stuff with a grain of salt too, where I'm like, I'm aware of it, but I'm not going to
live by it until I see it, until he's showing me it. So a lot of the stuff with his cold thirst, sort of was just observing him and letting him show me. And I noticed it a lot when I introduced water and when he wanted ice water and when he also
smoothies like he was having
Smoothies? Yeah, he loves smoothies. He still drinks smoothies. He'd ask for a smoothie every single morning. We go through those like smoothie pouches like crazy. amount of money that someone, mean, it's insane. The amount of money that we spend on smoothie pouches, he will just like crush four and be like, I want more. I'm like, that was $15 like in 30 seconds. And I mean, all kids like.
fruit, think, but like fresh berries, cold berries, things out of the fridge. He just loves to, he loves a little plate out of the fridge. Like after his nap, I'll make him berries and some cheese and crackers, like things that are not. Or he'll ask for like cold mac and cheese, cold oatmeal, cold. He'll ask for cold meatballs. He likes leftovers. And I'm like that too. Like I'll just eat cold leftovers.
Vaness Henry (40:54.795)
Mix.
Vaness Henry (41:06.254)
You support that.
yeah, like I don't need to heat it up and sometimes I do. Sometimes he'll ask for it, but if it's hot, it needs to be room temperature. So he doesn't eat anything hot. Even like tea. We all had tea last night and he's like, let's drink tea on the couch. And I'm like, okay, we'll drink tea on the couch. So we have tea. I'm fine with hot tea. I don't mind that. Chris is having his hot tea and Hartley gets his tea and he's like, it's too hot. Put it in the freezer. And so we had to put his tea in the freezer until it was at room temperature. And we just like.
Vaness Henry (41:40.482)
some parents would. That's what they would be like.
or you have to eat it while it's hot. like, that's just not my reality of like trying to argue silly things like that with him. I'm just not that type of person. And also the awareness helps me not have any like pushback with stuff like that. But
Just things we say.
Vaness Henry (42:00.51)
Definitely noticed whole difference, right? That's the whole thing. It's like, I've been turned on to this, so I'm just going to check myself rather than pair it. The larger collective conditioning, all the information out there that's overwhelming parents, know, what actually applies to my situation. That's really what it gave me, you know? I had a feeling, Cognition Kids, this child was very...
emotional in a way, he would plug in and really feel things and it would overtake him. And he's a little boy and there's lots of conditioning that goes on to little boys about how they should be with their emotions. And it was like, well, what do I need to know? And I have an atmosphere eater. So the space needs to be set when he's eating, you know, otherwise he will move, he'll transfer to appetite. He'll just pick one thing off his plate. And I'm kind of always observing that, which leads me into Sienna, because she's an appetite eater.
She's touch cognition just like her brother. You've got these two kids who they're grasping and holding things in life and you know they are, these are touchy feely kids. They want to be close to the parent sometimes because they physically want to be held and so there's a dynamic to be aware of there. But she's little. She's still in that newborn infant age. How do you see appetite show up in her? Do you see it show up in her?
Right now, the only thing I do with her is I just put stuff on her tray and let her decide. that's how I... Yeah, and it's like some... she'll... And she's an manifestor. just alternating. So, she doesn't... Hartley used to like mash everything together. And he would like want it to all be together.
too.
Alex Cantone (43:40.654)
And yeah, and that's kind of how I am too. Like I want the sauce on top of the thing. she just like, if she, if we're having yogurt, like she just wants to eat her yogurt. And then maybe she'll grab a blueberry, but she doesn't like put her blueberries into her yogurt, you know? And I think I'll notice more again, as she, she's 14 months. So as she develops a little bit more, as she can start to verbalize and talk, but, and she'll ask for things. But where I really notice it is when her
choices for playing. one book. And she likes to do, you know, she likes one toy, one book. Like she just likes to pick one thing. like, right? Yeah. It's not like she can't play with multiple things. I'm not going to like put one toy in the playroom and be like, but she can select. To select it. And again, I think that's what I go back to with the parenting is like,
That's how it could come through.
Vaness Henry (44:21.895)
at a time is the bigger teaching right
Vaness Henry (44:29.976)
So this toy just gets
Alex Cantone (44:38.006)
Of course, there's something to say about setting up our environment in such a way, but it's not necessarily about setting it up in such a way for that specific thing. It's more like, let the environment be what it is, or set up the environment and then let the child do what they want in that environment and watch what they do. So she always picks the same book. And I'm like, cool. She loves this like Miss Rachel, 100 Words.
She's obsessed with Miss Rachel. She like does these books and this Miss Rachel doll that she's obsessed with like more than we even watch it. I don't feel like we even watch it that often, but she's just like obsessed with Miss Rachel. She likes the Miss Rachel book, the Miss Rachel Tony and the Miss Rachel doll. And that's like her thing. That's what she goes.
markets
Vaness Henry (45:26.72)
One at a time, Miss Rachel everywhere. Like Miss Rachel's my girl. select my favorite and love even though, you know, even you're setting things out on her tray. She's not mixing the blueberries in the yogurt. She's eating the yogurt. Then she might have a blueberry. It's one thing at a time. But you've even empowered her more to be able to select. Like that's another feature of her design, to select the things that has the right feeling for her. And if Miss Rachel has the right feeling, it makes sense to me that she would have the favorite book. And I'm going to keep reading this book until I'm done with it.
And there's, don't, you don't, can have the other books out and she may initiate and select when she's ready, but to be like, no, you're reading this book now. It's like, well, where's my favorite? And it's good for her to have her favorite, you know, some kids would be like.
be like, no, do this thing instead. Like, I just don't, that's just not my job to try to manipulate that thing because it just doesn't matter. It's like Chris and I, when we talk about the things that we struggle with with the kids and especially with Harley right now, just being very demanding of things being a certain way. It's like, we just have to let him
assert control in the areas where it's safe to assert control because there's so many things that a toddler can't write that over. And so it's like, that's kind of the thing that we keep going back to is it's not, it's not worth a battle. It's not worth an argument. Like it just, and I'm so grateful that we're both on the same page in that way where we're like, okay, buddy, yep. You know,
part is fascinating.
Alex Cantone (47:01.942)
It just doesn't matter that much to us for it to be a certain way. And I think that's just so important for little kids to like, we can get so caught up in things appearing and looking and being perceived by other people a certain way. for me-
It's right? It's all about us, how we're perceived.
And I'm like, no, I'm going to let him do that thing. And another parent can think that I'm insane for like letting him climb the big slide at the park when he's 11 months old. But like, that's just what he does. if he falls, I'm going to catch him. know, like I'm, there's certain things that I'll do.
you fell down. forget that. And you got right back up. he's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did,
really?
Alex Cantone (47:48.638)
I do try to narrate everything that they're doing. You're self-projective. Without being annoying or overbearing, but especially if something is frustrated and now they're frustrating and now they're starting to fight. So that's also been an interesting.
That's going be interesting. But they're moving into toddlerhood. so there's the needs change and everything. But also something that's introduced then is like childcare, preschool, the school system. And you come from the school system. You've been plugged into the school system. Now we could say you're not. I also want to acknowledge you're in America. And there is a lot of scary, violent energy within the school system. Other parts of the world, we hear about school shootings.
In my country that there's, don't have the same legislation around guns. So in my world is quite foreign to even imagine that we could be in this situation. So I just want to acknowledge, I don't share the potential fears that parents could have with the school system, but you were in the school system. So what did you learn when you were in it about being a worker, but also for the kids? And what are you thinking of doing now that you're a parent?
Yeah.
Okay, what do we need to know about the school system? You worked in it. What do we need to know about it?
Alex Cantone (49:05.782)
It's just political. Okay. It's just a political money making industry like all of our other, you know, major industries here.
It was created to introduce kids into the workforce. It was to train them so that they could easily integrate into the workforce. The reason we wanted people to have kids was to keep the workforce going, was so the world would keep going. And there seems to be larger shifting around our greater purpose here.
Yeah, unfortunately, I just think that the public school system and the curriculum has been developed and manipulated by like, honestly, like kind of more evil forces. Okay, okay. And I think that it's designed, I don't think that was the original intention, but I think that has been what has now, what it has turned into.
You were a teacher, how are teachers impacted by that?
Because you get certain incentives if you push a certain thing. And that could be different in different systems. It's the same thing with doctors, right? Like you get incentivized for billing your patients. in the same way that a...
Vaness Henry (50:07.49)
Psyched up
Vaness Henry (50:16.714)
certain
We'll get an accolade if they have certain test scores. And I just think that the public school system as a whole, like I don't have to get into the nitty gritty politics of it. You could certainly look that up yourself, but I think that it's designed to take away our authority. I think it's designed to turn us into kind of like blind sheep and followers. And I just don't like that. And that's just not who I am and who I've been as.
As a person, I've never just trusted the person who's higher up telling me something. I'm really skeptical of authoritative voices that are really loud, which obviously makes me super skeptical of anything political, anything government oriented. And the school system is a government system. So yeah, public school is not my thing. I also don't like the public schools.
where I live. And that's always something that I knew that I wasn't going to have my kids go through when I was a teacher in a public school because I didn't like the way that I was treated. I didn't like the way that I was told I had to treat the children. I didn't like the way that I was told I had to prioritize certain children and let other children sort of fall through the cracks. That was something that really rubbed me the wrong way that got me interested in talking about
child development and human design online in the first place because I was like, it's the kids who fall through the cracks who are the ones who struggle the most, you know? And so I just don't, I don't vibe with the school system and I just
Vaness Henry (51:59.406)
Girl, what I heard is while you were there working and you were an educator in this, the thought that you had was, when I have kids, my kids will not go here. That's pretty... So there's someone on the inside seeing what it is and then exiting going, no, my family will not go there. You also did some private schools. So is it more of like an alternative style? Like more of a Waldorf Montessori? Is that what you mean when you did other teaching?
in a Montessori school and very different approach. Again though, it's just unfortunately like every school needs to make money to run. So unless
Okay, yeah. Totally different approach.
Vaness Henry (52:43.618)
Yeah, girl, you said judgment sense. off!
There's definitely schools that are like nonprofits that haven't had the obviously nonprofits don't need to make money, right? Like that's it's not like they're just coming out of thin air. Like you still have to pay your teachers. still have to. Yeah. There's something to say also about like the quality of life of the teacher and the nonprofit, which I've worked out because you get paid absolutely nothing. So you're like barely living and barely surviving. So it's not like one is necessarily that much better than the other.
But I've been in a lot of different school environments and it's just like the only thing that I can, the thing that I can sum up from all of it, from a teacher's standpoint is that we're underpaid and like we have to like.
This blows my mind that we would do this to the people responsible for educating our babies.
We're expected to be, to over deliver, but we're so un-pig. It's just like, no one who's operating in that environment can do their job to the best of their ability. And I also just think that the curriculum is like so intense for a young child and doesn't teach the skills that we actually need to be taught at that age.
Alex Cantone (54:06.688)
and doesn't focus on the child's actual interests and strengths, but rather takes the child and sort of grooms them into an idea of, are the options that you have, and here are the things that you must know in order to be this fully functioning adult. But then there's so many of us who get into our twenties and I'm like, I was never told how to do any of this stuff. And like,
My parents didn't know that I wasn't getting an education on those things, the practical living skills. I'm teaching in specifically special education schools in some years. And I'm like, all of these life skills that these kids are being taught are the life skills that they should be teaching all of us, not just the children who are lowly functioning autistic children. It should be.
everyone getting these life skills, everyone learning how to live on their own, everyone learning how to do chores and not prioritizing, of course, you have to have the basic skills like, you know, math, reading, whatever, writing.
Maybe we need those. don't know. we need to write anymore? know, right? do we can't kids can't read cursive writing. I love to do it. love it. Me too. love it. Me too. love it.
Yeah, that's kind of crazy. It's like,
Alex Cantone (55:25.144)
favorite, like the little worksheets that you would get and you'd have to make a little loop-de-loop.
I love that. you know, what I'm hearing from you is there's a lack of trust in the public school system. That's coming from somebody who lives in America. But I would echo, I have a child in the public school system and we were quite selective about his school. And I am really a champion of his school. And also, there are flaws. And then I'm hearing when we have some of these alternative schools, there are flaws. And so, you know, as a parent, I go, what's my next option to homeschool?
And I homeschooled my son for one year, especially during COVID. He was entering school at kindergarten when COVID was happening. And I said, absolutely not. So I guess I'm going to homeschool. I taught adults. I'm not a child educator. But I was like, but I have this skill. I'm sure I can apply it here. And I was still working. It was incredibly challenging. And I knew it was not going to be realistic for me to continue on that, because I wasn't going to be able to keep up with
with what his needs are, but I felt that I could do it for then. And I'm happy that I had that experience with him, but there's obviously flaws in that as well. So it sounds like it's all broken. Damned if we do, damned if we don't. So I want to ask you, like, let's entertain. We were designing a new system. And I heard that you would have a lot of it about life skills. That was cool. I loved that, but I'm curious. How would you design it?
gosh,
Vaness Henry (56:55.138)
And there's no right or wrong answer here. Like, let's just entertain we were designing a new school system because the world has shifted. don't need to prepare them for the workforce now unless that's what we want to do. But how would you sign it?
Well, it's interesting because Chris and I are both entrepreneurs and we're both entrepreneur minded, right? he's like, Chris is always like, they're not going to go to college. Like, why would we need to send them to college?
Will we colleges at that point? at how it's happening.
step into the business and help us out and we could teach them how to.
They might teach themselves something through YouTube for-
Alex Cantone (57:31.086)
Yeah, exactly. it's like, I'm my whole look, I don't have it all figured out by any means. This is all like a development that's especially been coming up strongly in me lately. But my, I think number one priority and what I value most as in how I go about being a parent or how I go about being an educator is like child led education. I don't think it should necessarily be a free for all in like,
know what he doesn't like math, doesn't like reading, so we're just not going to do that yet. I think that's also where even like gentle parenting and all of these other things that are like the opposite side of the spectrum can be also not the best thing because it's not just about it being one way.
I just want to say how much I agree with you, like what a natural part of our the way we learn is like it's too strict over here. So let's go completely the opposite and it's kind of
We're gonna do nothing.
And also we had to do that to see what the spectrum actually is. And I wonder if there's perhaps a middle way or perhaps a different way. And you're saying there is child led education. What does that look like? They're not running the show.
Alex Cantone (58:46.296)
They are not running the show. think it's important for children to have authority, figures, and discipline.
I'm sorry, I want to jump in again. There's huge stats coming out now about how, I'm learning so much about how men are really struggling and men are very lost. And yes, while our women are starting to have different types of traction, men are the most homeless people. the ones doing the most violent crimes. They're very unwell. And part of the analysis is they're deeply disconnected from children and their family. And they're trying, there's a huge surge in, and we want more male teachers.
This is a predominantly female dominated place and we want more male teachers because we also want children to be exposed to that healthy, divine masculine energy. so there's a call right now for masculine male educators. Interesting. Cause it's like all my teachers are women.
It's like, there's a call for discipline and structure and discipline is not, bah, bah, don't do this and pointing finger at a child and talking down to them, but discipline is having structure, having a container.
Discipline is not a dirty word. It's not a bad word. You when you put it in the context of like, must be disciplined with myself in order to be deeply respectful of myself. That is perhaps a life skill, you know? Perhaps it's a life skill to learn self-discipline, to apply yourself. It's not that we need some commander coming in and, you know, what would the healthy expression be of discipline? So sorry to jump in there on that. But I still want to say child-led education.
Vaness Henry (01:00:24.94)
where the authority figure there's a shifter on the authority. Well, to use human design language, you're putting the authority back in the child, right? And you're teaching them.
the child within a container, within a disciplined container. And what I mean by that is like a structure and a schedule. So there is a schedule that we follow. if you look at a child wants that structure, a child wants predictability. When we go too far on the other end of the spectrum and we give them absolutely nothing, maybe it works for some kids. And I'm sure there are parents who are like, that whole model really works well for me and I'm not going to
or in.
Alex Cantone (01:01:02.54)
be like, it will never work. But it's more so I think you can find it.
a manifesto blend?
Maybe I'll say something different three years from now, but I think that everyone, think all of us, we need a little bit of structure, a bit of We need the masculine container. Absolutely agree. Even Hartley, we're on our way to his little Waldorf school this morning and he's like, it's going to be circle time. And he has this predictable thing. It's comforting. He knows what's going to happen, right? There's this free play, but then there's circle time.
and Maslin.
Alex Cantone (01:01:37.824)
It's comforting for him. knows what's coming next. I think it's important for kids to know what's coming next. And also I think it's really important to have that structure and discipline so that you can go into adulthood knowing how to structure and discipline your own life. That's something that I really struggle with is having discipline with myself, having structure for myself.
wasn't taught that. I missed that life skill. Had to learn it as an adult.
I'm also a very feminine, emotional person, so I need masculine structure.
to end the bold, the emotion, right? encircle time. The way I had approached homeschooling with my child of a manifesting generator, I was like, how the heck am going to do this? And we had made all these cards of different, he got to color them, we made them together of the different kinds of subjects that we could do. And I let him make a lot of them, but then I was able to tuck in math. I was able to tuck in, you these other ones. And each day before school, the night before to prepare him, I would let him select
three cards that we're going to focus on that day. And then they would be removed for the week. And he's a, he's a caves kid. So he needs a lot of safety and security, but he has a taste tone. So he needs a sample and select things in his environment. And, know, with an MG, you want to let them respond and initiate to a degree, you know? And this kid loved circle time, always picked circle time, circle time, circle time, circle time, too. So much so that he would miss it when it wasn't an option. So
Vaness Henry (01:03:06.456)
Cause I would remove the option the next day. So we started to just build in every day is just going to start with circle time. And it was like the grounded safe thing. We come together. How are we feeling today? How did we sleep last night? We're doing this, this, this today. Like, so, so we adjusted because of how meaningful the ritual was. And, you know, I think collectively we are quite hungry for meaningful rituals because we're in this disconnected time. And this is so affirming to me to even hear your toddler going to school.
even younger than the kindergarten age was like, circle time, something to look forward to, something to connect to, something that is, is I can count on that is going to be there. So I know what to expect that provides for him in his case, as a caves kid, the foundation for high quality learning, because he's going to feel safe in that environment. And you're now seeing that kind of come through him. Very beautiful.
As you were talking, I was kind of like, I can see it. I can see it. Intervision. I like the idea of letting the child lead the day, but having those things. And the one thing I was thinking as you were saying is I was like, I've done something similar like that with a student and they saved all the things that they didn't want to do for the end of the week. And it would make the end of the week really hard. So hard.
Yeah, that started we lesson around that
You pick two, I pick one, and I pick the things that they don't want to
Vaness Henry (01:04:31.406)
That's what we do. That was me. Because, but then we talked about, you know, if we leave everything on our plate that we don't like till the end, like, we eat our favorite first, the finishing the plate is really hard. Yeah. A lesson though. And also a lesson that needs to be learned. I don't want to bypass my child from kind of going through that because it is a very valuable lesson. Yeah. So is there anything else that you, you're designing your school system?
Yeah.
Vaness Henry (01:04:59.318)
Yes. You're anchoring it around building life skills for the new world, the new paradigm, this new world order that we're in. you're a proponent, an advocate of child-led education with safe structures and schedules and rituals to anchor them. Anything else that you think is very important for that?
Yeah.
Alex Cantone (01:05:17.944)
Well, I think that something else, I mean, I haven't really done any research on a homeschool curriculum and what that looks like. So I don't know what's out there. And I'm sure that I would look at something and then go, hmm, well, maybe I could do it this way, or maybe I could integrate it into this thing. The other thing that concerns me with homeschooling, because I'm not quite there yet. You my kids are still little, partly is basically just in this like,
Don't you have time?
almost like a little Waldorf daycare thing because I noticed that he gets really stir crazy at home and I wanted to start to get him into the social
So he's going to transfer to mountains. So a huge part of his experience for his whole life is he's going to get stir crazy and he's to need to go out and that's healthy. He's also a fourth line, I believe, so that network, the community is a huge proponent to his learning as well. So to go into an environment like that for some kids is extremely, I'd say for all kids, know, to be mingling, but there is value in going and being with other kids, not just at home too, right?
I think what I would end up doing really is like a hybrid situation because my main concern with homeschooling is that if they were like truly like schooled at home only and in isolation that they wouldn't have the meaningful social emotional development that I found to be really important. So now I'm projecting my own experience.
Vaness Henry (01:06:49.322)
So school was a social learning.
But I know that they have like when homeschool is not just, okay, we sit in our little, at our kitchen table and we do homework. Like I think we have an idea that that's what it is, but there's, mean, we have a park literally around the corner from us and like three times a week, there's like a homeschool group of parents who all meet up together at the park and they like one parent will come and they'll organize something and they do all of these little activities together. I think I would have people come to my home.
just because I'm designing our home to be like our backyard to be.
for us. Are you? interesting. interesting.
So I think I'd have people come to us. And also I like the idea of people coming to me and me not getting my kids in the car to go somewhere. Cause the thing that I find to be the most daunting is getting Hartley ready in the morning to get into the car at a certain time to go to school. Like I just do not like it. I do not like it once we're on the road and we're going and I drop them off, like he's happy to make his way in. the transition from getting him out of home,
Alex Cantone (01:08:02.996)
into the car is like the hardest thing ever. so I think the idea, again, selfishly, the idea of me doing that for the next 18 years is like very daunting.
My parents had hell with me trying to get me out of the house in the morning and get me dressed. Like my memory is that the fighting with my parents and my mom said I had to completely check out. said I had to let your dad do it because you would fight with me so bad that the whole day would start that way because she was rushing me. Like she always was rushing. But I hated that feeling, you know.
I hate the feeling of rushing my child and it feels so unnatural when I'm rushing my child. And so I'm like, I don't like this feeling. He doesn't like this feeling. What are we doing and why are we doing?
Yeah. If we were in totally different paradigm and there were no public school systems and it was something that happened inside the home, what would happen is the parents would need the relief and they would need to socially teach their children and we simply would gather. that is a natural, we would just simply do that. Every Tuesday we would all be meeting up at the ABC because the point is we're getting the kids, like that would just naturally happen. You're like, I think I would do it this way. It's like, I think you're bang on.
because you know you need the relief. Even my child, like once a week, there's a different teacher that comes in. Like on Wednesdays, he's taught by a different teacher. His teacher gets a break or whatever it is. Like you see some of these things kind of happening in the school system. But something I wanted to ask you, if you were designing this curriculum, the parent does need to be educated as well to a point. would you teach the parent about energetics? Would that be a requirement? for sure.
Vaness Henry (01:09:53.804)
You would. I mean it-
I just think that you wouldn't be able to do this model unless you had that awareness.
Deep understanding of the child and what the child learning is.
think that's something that I really struggled with going back to like the beginning of our conversation with looking back at parents. I had parents who were like, I just learned about human design and now I'm trying to figure out how to like do this for my kid. I'm like, you need like time to figure yourself out. I think the number one thing is, well, how, and you and I have been talking about this privately is,
Like you can organize your life however you want to organize your life. That's been, I've been noticing that the pattern that's coming up when you and I are talking is like, how do I want to organize my life? What works for me? How do I want to create this structure? And it's like, yeah, I want things to be child led, but I'm not going to be able to be a good parent educator resource for my children unless I design this life and design this space around what's going to
Alex Cantone (01:10:58.976)
allow me to show up with the capacity each day to be that resource for my children. So that's what I find to be most important is it's not just like, okay, these are my kids. Now I'm going to take like me completely out of the picture and look at these kids and do exactly what they need to do.
picture. I am in the picture. Right. must also respect yourself and understand your own equipment. ⁓ Do You know and and
Do I need a Wednesday off? Do I need to do two days a week or three days a week? Am I going to send them to a school? I don't know that. don't know how to do it. Yeah.
need to configure. Like what about the things that I'm building for myself or my work in the world? know, I wouldn't want to be giving that up. Am I doing my child the disservice if I hang on to that? Is it really going to fall on one of the parents? And then what about finances, you know? Right. So the whole thing doesn't actually work. It does need a bigger kind of review. But I still think it's important to have the conversation of like if we were thinking about what was best for the child, what's best for the parent.
And if the most important job in the world is being a parent, and the most important job in the world is how we raise these kids in a way that they're empowered and supported and healthy, what do we need to know? And if we know there's a breakdown in the school system, well then what would be the other options? And I'm not necessarily saying like, this is the way, but that's why I wanted to hear from you about this because you have such a good, you have so much knowledge.
Vaness Henry (01:12:27.348)
education and experience here and now real life experience impacting this. I was very selfishly curious about the way you would design it. If you were designing it because it is broken, the world is changing, there is a lack of trust. Children are going to school and also now it's not safe, they are dying. Something does need to change here. What do we need to know if we're imagining these new possible futures? And I think you have a really specific expertise here.
Now, having said that, you've kind of pulled away from this because this is where you're in your life right now. if, are we able to find you if somebody wanted to find you or they wanted, is that available? Like I usually am like, where do we find you? So, so you're not available.
Wee wee.
Alex Cantone (01:13:13.582)
My number from someone who I'm trying to figure out where to be and what to do because I have things that I want to say and I don't know where to put them because I don't like the spaces that I used to be on to put those things. So I'm trying to figure out like where do I want to talk about this type of stuff? Do I want to talk about it publicly or do I want it to just be like these random
Hi, here you are. Love that you're kind of coming here and seeing it here and I get to know you. And I do want to say just from our own friendship and dynamic, I have felt resistance because I understand where you're at. I don't want to call you into something that you don't want to be called into second line. And also, you have such knowledge here, you have such education here, there's so much value you bring here. While I see where you're at, and you need to be where you are,
It feels important for me as your friend who cares and adores you and champions you that you know how valuable you are in this space. You know how needed you are. And also if your main focus was just to be at home with your kids, I have deep respect for that because there is no more important job than that. And if anything, you are an example of the mother, the parent who is that. And there is a big, big teaching in that for all of us to kind of just learn through.
So whether you go open your own school with this brand new curriculum or you start a podcast or you do it, you start a homeschool, whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I'm just happy to know you and get to witness you and what you're doing.
say is I think that in order for me to fully dive into what I want to dive into with my children, I have to make sure that I have the space to talk about it. So it's kind of like I'm just waiting for...
Vaness Henry (01:15:01.774)
the invitation.
know the invitation, the timing to feel right? mean, we're moving into a new house soon and settling into that. And I have these visions of myself in this space that I am designing for me specifically to have those conversations. space? you see, okay. Just talking. Like I need to be able to pull away to talk. You sure do. I to be able to pull away to process it or else it's going to get too overwhelming just being in the being of it.
So I'm aware that I need these two things to happen. And right now I'm just sort of pulled away from all of it, like watching this happen, thinking about that stuff, but not really knowing how to fully dive into all of it.
have your outlet and yourself projected and so a huge part of your process is speaking and okay.
And someone said, I'm just tired all the time and stop.
Vaness Henry (01:15:59.318)
You said you're having visions and you're seeing something. So you're seeing yourself in your new home and your new place and you are expressing yourself creatively in some way. You're just waiting to get there and you think it's about this subject matter? Because we'll wait, We'll wait.
Yeah, I can't imagine it being about anything else. mean, it's just, this is what I I love being a parent. I love my children. I love thinking about how I'm being a parent. I love watching other people being parents and thinking about how they're parenting and maybe judging those people a little.
But to do that, nothing wrong with that.
Like that's just what I like looking at the things as a whole and thinking about how and why are we doing these things with our children and what could we be doing that's better? Like I just, it's just what I'm thinking about all the time. It's what's always playing in the background. When Chris and I are having a challenging moment with one of the kids and we're having a conversation and debriefing about it, like I just go off on these rants about all of these things. And he's like, I always forget that you like have all this education, you know, when he started to ask me questions now and
So I don't have any desire to like do the maintenance on an account and grow some sort of following or some community. For me, I would feel really regretful if I were to look back and be like, I didn't document my kind of experience on how this was all going. Like I want to look back and be able to see.
Alex Cantone (01:17:30.06)
what was my experience and where was I at at this certain point. And that's what's really beautiful about social media is we can sort of have like a, or not just social media, but like having anything, any kind of platform of any sort or any kind of living diary, right? It's like, it gets to be your living diary of this is where I was at at that moment. And that's what I was experiencing. And I feel like I don't have that right now.
So what's missing based on your own teaching is masculine energy, the structure, the schedule and the ritual. And once you have that, a byproduct will be this natural documentation of your experience. And maybe that's all we need to know, hope motivation. Maybe from there, what will happen will just simply reveal itself because you can feel your knowledge and wisdom. And what's missing is the platform to hold you up, the structure so that you can self-project and be heard.
Thanks for listening to my latest insight. If you want to get in touch with your inner architecture, you can learn how to read the human design variables with me at vinessehendry.com. If you're just getting started with your human design studies, visit the Jovian Archive. And remember, listen to your body.
