No. 32 — Falling out of Practice with Alex Cantone
For me, informing is a practice. It's something I like to do because it makes me feel like a wizard. It's like casting spells into the atmosphere, disarming the energy within a certain radius. But when life gets busy or intense, I can fall out of practice.
As an Ego-Authority, I often relate to the more popular Self-Projected Authority because we are both talkers; we both need to speak and express somehow in order to actually FIND our way. So when I heard my roof buddy and 6/2 Self-Projected Projector friend, Alex Cantone, had collapsed at the gym — dehydrated — I dropped into character.
Alex is a Thirst Colour; being dehydrated is a BIG SIGN for her. When our bodies can't get nourished no matter what we do, it's often a sign of deeper misalignment.
In my latest InSight, Alex returns to discuss falling out of practice with the healthy rituals we learn during our Human Design experiment. Sometimes life gets so busy we forget to take care of ourselves. Thankfully, our brilliant bodies are always giving us signs. All we have to do is train ourselves to notice. So what do we do when we realize we've fallen out of practice somewhere?
In this InSight, we discuss:
Understanding what happens when we're disconnected from our processing needs
Thirst Colour Analysis: the relationship between dehydration and not properly absorbing nourishment
Using physical signals like extreme thirst and voice loss as messengers from our bodies
How becoming a parent shifts our identity and ability to process experiences
Balancing family demands with self-expression needs
The importance of creating physical spaces that support our energy type and Environment
Recognizing when our living environments aren't aligned with our wellbeing and what to do
Finding suitable self-care rituals — like Inoki tea baths!
The significance of name changes and removing old identity markers
Here's Alex's Human Design Colour Palette:
ALEX CANTONE
Design Type: 6/2 SELF-PROJECTED PROJECTOR
Colour Palette: Thirst / Shores / Power / Hope
Find Alex at:
Vaness Henry: 0:00
Okay, I'm having a moment. I'm having a moment. I'm having a moment because I'm looking at you and I'm going somewhere else. And interesting, every time I need to do a different kind of thought. I change the colour of pen I'm taking notes with. That's so peculiar.
Alex Cantone: 0:13
I used to have that like pen that had 10 different colours on it and you would like click.
Vaness Henry: 0:17
You're so cool. You're so cool, you're just the ultimate cool girl. Ultimate cool girl.
Alex Cantone: 0:21
Well, I was like five.
Vaness Henry: 0:25
It's Vaness Henry. You're listening to Insights, my private podcast exclusively for community members like you. Here's my latest insight. I am back with my dear friend, Ms Alex Cantone, a 6/2 self-projected projector. Alex has been on the show before. She's a regular person plugged into my ear. She's on insight number 12, a six line transition. We talk about what it's like going on the roof. And she's also an insight number 19, which is post trauma navigation and how to care for yourself after birthing something to the world. So I'm checking in with my girlfriend again here, because we were chatting behind the scenes in Voxer and some things were going on with her that I couldn't help but feel were incredible examples of shores and thirst. Al welcome to the show.
Alex Cantone: 1:22
Thank you, I forgot when I was last here, so I'm glad you just mapped it out for me.
Vaness Henry: 1:27
It's been a little bit. We're in like thirties now the insight thirties number 30 something. So it's been a bit two babies. Now we're done breastfeeding, we have our body back to ourselves. Very exciting. How are we feeling with that? How are we feeling?
Alex Cantone: 1:46
I feel like it's always an emotional transition to go from or at least for me, to go from breastfeeding to not breastfeeding, and but
Vaness Henry: 1:54
did you breastfeed straight through with the two kids, cause they came close?
Alex Cantone: 1:57
No. So when I got pregnant with Sienna, um, when I was six months postpartum, I was not at all prepared to stop breastfeeding Hartley and my milk, just sort of like re, it stopped, like I don't like saying dried up. I don't know why I feel like that phrase doesn't like match girl, it's like I mean dried up like milk will still come out if I like try, but you know you're not nourishing them enough, so Hartley wasn't getting what he needed.
Alex Cantone: 2:25
He's also a thirst baby and needed so much milk and it was super demanding. So yeah, but this time around I was getting really dehydrated and having a near fainting spells. I finally had one last week.
Vaness Henry: 2:43
Yeah, okay, what. What happened last week? What happened last week? You're weaning off breastfeeding. You're getting really dehydrated.
Alex Cantone: 2:49
It was my first week that I wasn't breastfeeding, which was interesting, that it was happening even after I was done and I just have been. It's like my body just cannot get hydrated enough. Like I'm waking up in the morning and I'm so thirsty, waking up in the middle of the night, so thirsty, Water isn't enough. I have electrolytes. We have a like top of the line alkaline mineralized water filter, whole house filter, like we have all of the things
Vaness Henry: 3:22
and putting in the right ingredients.
Vaness Henry: 3:24
Yeah,
Alex Cantone: 3:24
I'm doing all the things and it's not enough.
Alex Cantone: 3:29
I'm thirsty, I'm like I need more, and it was also just one of those days where I woke up not feeling well. My throat hurt, I was feeling under the weather. I went to urgent care to get a rapid strep test because I had just had strep two weeks prior and I was like maybe it's still lingering and the antibiotics didn't work. Because I can't I'm really wary about taking antibiotics when I'm breastfeeding, so I'm very particular about what I take.
Alex Cantone: 3:57
So I was taking something that was a little bit more mild rather than maybe like the thing that was really going to kick it. So I don't think it worked and it kind of like came back really intense. But I didn't have any other symptoms except for my throat was hurting and my throat was killing me and Chris was like well, why don't you just go to the gym and do like the steam and sauna and just try to?
Alex Cantone: 4:23
yeah, like soothe it out some moisture in your throat right and work it out, and I ended up going in there, hadn't had a sip of water.
Alex Cantone: 4:30
I don't think I'd only had a cup of tea that day that's peculiar for you, yeah, because you're usually always yeah, yeah, I just I just have been very wound up lately, like really wound up and not paying attention to oh I'm hungry, oh I should eat. You know, like things that seem so simple. And yeah, I was showering in the at the gym and my executive functioning kind of turned off. Like my brain. I'm telling my brain, you know, now, pump the shampoo, now pump the conditioner. Brain, I'm telling my brain, you know, now pump the shampoo, now pump the conditioner, put it in your head, rinse it off. And it like wasn't working. And I'm like my body is shutting down what's going on. So then I got out of the shower and I'm like all I have to do is make it to the locker and then make it to the cafe. Like you know, you've been to our gym, so you know it's not that far, yeah, and I was turning to go, but it's also very far.
Vaness Henry: 5:30
If you're not feeling well like that, yeah, you've got to count the steps, yeah, okay.
Alex Cantone: 5:34
And lots of twists and turns. Yeah so all of a sudden I like bang against the wall of vanities. And then I bang against like the wall and I'm just kind of floating around and I'm going to turn the corner and I see two of my friends and they're like Alex and I just look at them and I was like and I just go down.
Vaness Henry: 5:56
Oh, my God.
Alex Cantone: 5:57
Oh, my God.
Vaness Henry: 5:58
The way I would fucking, the way, yeah, I have, I have full body chills, the way I would just okay. So it was very scary.
Alex Cantone: 6:06
No, it was very scary, so I that's terrifying I blacked out, fainted, I don't remember.
Alex Cantone: 6:11
I kind of I have very spotty memories of them. You know talking and asking me if I was, if I could just respond to anything, and very quickly there were staff there and they're calling an ambulance and then they like got me up on the bench and just tried to get Chris, and it was like a whole thing. I didn't end up getting taken to the hospital. I refused, because you can just refuse, cause I was like I'm fine, I am just dehydrated and.
Alex Cantone: 6:44
I need to eat and I know my body and I know I just need to go home and like, get an.
Vaness Henry: 6:48
IV. But you have to like sign off.
Alex Cantone: 6:49
Yeah, you have to just do sign a release it's a very common thing, but yeah, yeah, so I had to do that and uh, got in the car and Chris took me home and then we got in mobile IV can you imagine being him getting that fucking call like can can you imagine someone calls you Chris went down.
Alex Cantone: 7:06
Yeah Well, my friend had to run up to the third floor and he was on the pickleball courts and he and she's like Chris, chris you know, and I guess everyone in the pickleball courts knows us, knows me, and like then, everyone just goes running down.
Alex Cantone: 7:21
So it's like I have all these girls around me, which was so great, Cause I have all these great girlfriends now from the gyms. And then I have Chris and then the EMTs and I was like there are too many people here. This is overwhelming. You know everyone's like from all angles and I'm just like I just want to be in my bed, I just want to take a nap and I want to get an IV and I want to eat a burrito and like be done, and I want to eat a burrito and like be done. And then so we got an IV. We have an IV person who comes because I'm very high maintenance with my hydration, yet still dehydrated. And then I took a nap, went on with my day, woke up the next morning, couldn't speak and I'm like I can't talk. This is fucked, Literally.
Alex Cantone: 8:03
I was like like it felt like my entire tongue and my throat was like I went out, like closing in, like an allergic reaction, but it was like I felt like I was. I was, I was talking and I was like swallowing my tongue. Do you know what I mean? Yes, and I had never lost my voice before. I've had a raspy voice from you know, maybe like a crazy night out in my twenties or just screaming, but not ever Like I just have randomly lost my voice and that was pretty alarming.
Vaness Henry: 8:42
Yeah, self-projected projector. What's what's going through you as as you are not able to express, and that's vital to your life force, in a way.
Alex Cantone: 8:51
Well, we were kind of laughing the first day. The first day wasn't as bad, like I could still whisper, talk and I could still kind of put myself like I could go until I was at my max. But we were kind of laughing because our whole joke in our relationship with Chris and I is like I was at my max. But we were kind of laughing because our whole joke in our relationship with Chris and I is like I'm just constantly talking and when he's trying to go to sleep I'm like but this thing, you know, I'm like always. I'm just like I got to run the motor until it's done and I have to like talk myself to sleep. And he's like you literally just talk yourself to sleep and then you're like I'm done, I'm tired and I just couldn't just talked about this.
Vaness Henry: 9:25
Yeah, just talk. Just talk about this before coming on this call. He's like you drive me crazy. How you like, like, cause he's understanding the way I need to talk is the way he needs to use his body. He's like it frustrates me that you just don't want to come, walk and do things with me. I'm like you literally sit in silence when I try to talk to you. So we're, we're just going through this on, like that's the way I exhaust my motor. Right, that's what you got to do, you know, anyway, right, yes, continue.
Alex Cantone: 9:47
And we have the same dynamic uh generator non-sacral heart throat.
Vaness Henry: 9:53
And then kind of heart authorities.
Alex Cantone: 9:54
Yeah Right, yeah. So we were kind of laughing and just kind of giggling it off because he was like this is so funny. Like you, I didn't realize I'm. He's like I know you talk a lot and I know you like to talk, but I didn't realize how you literally are talking yourself, like you're you can't, you're talking yourself to like oblivion, like you can't speak anymore. And I was like I know, but I need to say this thing and I just want to say this thing, I just need to say this thing, I just need. It was like I needed to say things and I couldn't say them and it was so it felt like I was going to implode. Then the next day I really couldn't talk and I didn't feel sick, didn't have a fever, I didn't have any symptoms. It was literally just the most pain, like the sorest throat I've ever had. Then I reach out to you and I was like texting too, and I couldn't voice to you.
Alex Cantone: 10:48
I was like I can't talk, I don't know what to do. This is really weird. This is what happened. These have been my last 72 hours and I started to get the fear of like, well, what if I just couldn't talk anymore? You know, like what would I do if I just lost my voice? Would I regret all of the things that I have yet to say? Is there so much that I have had to say that I haven't said? And now that I can't speak, am I going to regret not saying those things? And I knew in my right mind that my voice was going to come back. But the thought of, well, what if it was gone? Right, like what if I didn't have this? Like how much have I not said that I want to say to maybe like family members or my husband or my children, or just myself, like to just to say out loud in general, to no one, to everyone, you know. And that was sort of a an eyeopening thing where I was thinking about that in from a creative lens of am I not nourishing myself in this area where I really am wanting to speak or wanting to just express, and I'm not creating the space for that?
Alex Cantone: 12:03
Then, another thing I was looking at that you and I were talking about is like why do I keep getting sick? You know, just in general, like why do I keep getting sick? Why am I getting sick? I feel like the previous house that we were in. I could not stay healthy in that house. That house was making me sick. The location, the environment was making me sick. And now I'm in this house and I'm still getting sick and it's really frustrating. And then it's also like you have two little kids under the age of two. They're exposed to all types of things, they're going to child care, at the gym and they're bringing stuff home, but it's still like impacting me more than it is anywhere anyone else. You know you can it. That's almost just like one of the surface level things. Like of course there are going to be germs in life everywhere we go, and just some of us are more exposed to them.
Vaness Henry: 12:54
Yeah, and you're in recovery because you just had two back to back traumas on the body and, of course, of course, yeah, I would like to dive in and point out some things. Okay, if I may, you may. The fact that you can't get hydrated enough is the most important thing to look at, from my opinion, because that's the way you feed. So if you're not able to get nourished and you're putting the water in, you're putting the hydration in, you're adding the electrolytes, you're getting it under the skin, you're putting the fluids, you're putting the fluids in your body and yet your body is not absorbing the fluids. That's an environment thing. The body is not yet set up to nourish this and to to nourish properly. And you said a couple things like having the whole manifestation center shut down is like, yeah, like reset, like big, big reset. Though I do want to say a lot of the things that you were saying, um, especially about kind of like the fog, the confusion, the, you know, the cognitive shift. I had that experience as well postpartum, and I actually say I had a nervous breakdown because of you were saying things and I was like, oh, I didn't faint, but I had all those things go on and I went and laid down and was kind of despondent in my bed, like, and called for help, called my mom, and I was like, and then there was a big explosion. You know, like I had a whole rage blackout, like a, just like. You know, and it does make you think about you know what our bodies went through in order to create life. You know, and the yeah, the intensity that is, and how much healing, gentleness, support is actually required after such an experience. You know, and we're all different, so we all maybe need varying degrees of different kinds of support. Anyway, when you said that, I was like oh, this is sounding familiar, and yet I didn't faint, so I wonder what that's about there. You said, though, that losing your voice was an eye-opening experience. To me, that's some inner vision, language, like I needed to have this big reset because I'm not nourishing, I don't have access to my vision, and even the way you shut down in the throat and the mouth, this is all smell, symptom things. This is all in that area, and you are sure smell and someone.
Vaness Henry: 15:12
When you have a first tone in any environment, it's primitive, it's the, it's the first one, so it is very sensitive, you know, and it's very quick and instinctual, and if you're not honoring that, there's a reason. It's firing, it's splenic. You know there's a reason. It's kind of trying to give you those signals and you keep getting sick. This tells me she probably has signals firing all the time and she maybe isn't in the space or she doesn't feel connected to honoring them, or I've got a family dynamic. Now I can't. You know, the family comes first instead of me and what's best for me as the individual? Very natural, that always happens, right when the family expands. But maybe it's.
Vaness Henry: 15:51
It's hurting you more than others because you're healing, because you're more sensitive and you're you're not set up yet to actually take care and nourish yourself and you keep going into these homes that are not quite right and you happen to just be very sensitive in this way. Even before we hopped onto this call, you had to rearrange the whole room to even talk with me. You're like I'm, you're sitting in a dark corner. You're like this isn't going to be right, and you had to rearrange everything to put yourself in the sunlight. Your body knows what to do to nourish, you know. It knows what to do to set itself up.
Vaness Henry: 16:20
So what's going on in your life that's impacting you? You're, you're, you're likely in some in a kitchen and not in your world. And and, alec, what is a shore? It's a kitchen and another kitchen. You know, you have these different. You have these other places you can go to. So if you're too heavy footed in one world, it's like I'm starting to sink, you know, and I can't flow, I'm drowning, and then the body starts to shut down. I'm not, I can't feed myself properly because I'm not set up, and then my ability to manifest and create and express shuts right down. That's that's allowed, that's a, that's a body shouting at you to get your attention. So, so, when I say all this to you, what is what's coming up when we think about what could possibly be misaligned in my lifestyle right now?
Alex Cantone: 17:04
Well, I think just the demands of parenting is something that takes so long to adjust to right. It's like, yes, you really don't know what you're getting yourself into until you're in it and you're like, oh my gosh, this is what this is. This is crazy. Like this is so demanding of my all and my everything every single day, and I don't have a choice. Even if I have help, it's like my mind is still fixated and obsessed on the daily operations of everything the routines, the naps, the this, the that. I mean, I have two babies right, and so when I'm thinking about what you're saying, I'm thinking that there's so much of.
Alex Cantone: 17:51
I'm just focused on what's happening in my daily life, every single day, like making you know, even, even things that I'm doing for myself. It's like my schedule, my routine. I'm squeezing everything in so that, like I'm taking care of myself by going to the gym or working out or doing something restorative, and then I'm, you know, making sure the kids are good, I'm tending to my relationship with my husband, like I'm doing all of these things in my life, and what I'm not doing as much as I used to do is pulling away from my life and actually processing and reflecting on what's happening and kind of zooming out.
Vaness Henry: 18:29
Okay, you keep going to sky closet. There was two phases in our life. I lived in sky house, you lived in sky closet, we had these kind of high up apartments and recently you kept going or driving past that part of downtown and box ring me. You're like man, every time I come I don't know what it is Every time I come by sky closet, I just and you start processing and what I think I heard before what you said going to bed at night and you're like talking yourself to sleep. It made me wonder is she not processing life throughout the day? And then just I'm not, I'm not. And you used to process all day long because you're narrating your experience, because that's how you navigate.
Vaness Henry: 19:06
And now you know, is she being dragged off the roof? Because this happens to us and we're getting caught up in all those things that we have to do and we lose access to that sort of objective guidance and somewhat of a detachment. So it's interesting. You then bring yourself into the city, into the kitchen, yeah, and you happen to go to your sky closet. I was this other identity and this is how I behaved when I was in this place. I processed oh, I'm going to just call my girlfriend, oh, this is going on with me. This is going on with me. This is going on with me. It's like a midday vent, you know, getting all that pent up, built up energy out and it sounds like maybe that's only happening at the end of the day and it's got to all come out in bed before you exhaust yourself, and so maybe that's just causing pressure. You know, throughout the day to day.
Alex Cantone: 19:52
Well, and I would even argue that when I was in the sky closet phase of my life, that I was too heavy footed in the processing end of things and I was craving the real life.
Vaness Henry: 20:03
Well, you were going on the roof there.
Alex Cantone: 20:09
So you were figuring that out, yeah, right, right. And I was so detached and so like I just need to let go of everything and you know, like no belongings, no, nothing, no grounding. And then when I started dating Chris, it was like then you fell in love. Oh my gosh, real life is cool, real life is fun. And now I have so much going on in this, in my real life, which I guess is just, you know, just being in the day to day, like being on earth, just enjoying and experiencing life and the world and social interactions, and all of that stuff, which doesn't leave a lot of room for the processing end of things, because I'm not spending countless hours by myself alone, uninterrupted, where I can just pop on to a call therapy.
Vaness Henry: 20:57
You used to work as a therapist for a long time yeah. So at least there's that Cause, cause I've self-projected and talk therapy Like yeah.
Alex Cantone: 21:04
Well, I feel so much better when I'm able to do that at night, when I'm able to like, just you know, chris and I are laying in bed and it's just like pillow talk and we're just debriefing from the day. It's the days when I don't get that for multiple days in a row. That, right, I'm pent up. Yeah, Pillow talk would be a really good podcast name, right.
Vaness Henry: 21:25
And pent up. Yeah, pillow talk would be a really good podcast name. I wrote this down because I was like God, that's a good intervision word, that is the cutest thing, I love your language.
Alex Cantone: 21:31
We had a little podcast called pillow talk.
Vaness Henry: 21:33
I know, I'm just I, I, I, I do talk about this privately a lot. I can't. I am just waiting for you. I am just waiting for you. I just I can't do anything.
Alex Cantone: 21:42
I'm planting seeds. I'm like saying I'm ready, but but but are you?
Vaness Henry: 21:48
are you like? You know, I don't know I'm projecting onto you. I want to be very honest about that. When, when my child was, you know, one to two, I found that to be the most challenging time of my life, like, and I've been through some shit and I just felt like I had a nervous breakdown during that time. You know and yeah, that was that was when I had started studying human design was because it was like I do not feel good, I'm something's not. And then discovering I was a manifestor at that point was very empowering. You know, yeah, because I had been human design aware before Huxley was born.
Vaness Henry: 22:20
But I read a book cover to cover and kind of banked it, and you know I wasn't experimenting. But I read a book cover to cover and kind of banked it, and you know I wasn't experimenting. And then when it came back around, I was like, oh right, it was, it was the right time, I was ready for the material, I guess. And so I'm I'm reluctant to put anything on you that could interfere with where you are and I'm like I'm doing nothing, I'll just wait, like I just sit here and wait and I'm watching and you're like I would love to. I'm ready and I'm like is she? I don't know, she's telling me, but then she, she faints and lose her voice and I'm like, well, yeah, but then you're asking me, like well, what do I need?
Alex Cantone: 22:56
And I'm like I need an outlet to process, and what would that be? That would be a nourishing outlet to process. So I think you're thinking. You're thinking that it would be too much for me, Like it's adding to this plate, but I think actually it's putting it on a different plate, which is like balancing the scales.
Vaness Henry: 23:15
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay.
Alex Cantone: 23:18
As I'm like. As I'm like buying a house, moving, like doing all this.
Vaness Henry: 23:24
This is why I think it's exciting, because so much of like my interest in the world isn't healing, yes, but it isn't like the environment specifically, it's Feng Shui, it's the variables, it's healing in the body, it's interior design, and I like this new connection we have that you do this, you're designing the houses, you're flipping them Like I, the way, I'm like I love that, like I want one day want to have an HGTV show, or I'm doing the caves homes and the markets homes, like how fun.
Vaness Henry: 23:55
And I feel like you get that and and we resonate because we're both shores and I know you're G center authority and I'm ego authority, but to me those are both heart authorities, shores, and I know you're G center authority and I'm ego authority, but to me those are both heart authorities. So there's just like a shores six line kinship that has the same interests, like pretty things, like you know what I mean. So, anyways, I like the characters, but I'm wanting to just be able to like be in my like shaman, vanessa era, where I can just be weird, and it's like not everything I do is like about human design or about you know, it's like just being a person and talking about redefining what you think that character would look like? Like I love drag, I love to fucking watch and read the Kardashians to filth, you know, and and I want to be able to just use all my languages, like talk about their energy or talk about their whatever. But it's not about that. Do you know what I'm saying?
Alex Cantone: 24:48
I'm wanting to just like well, no, you're saying you want to like take yourself off of the pedestal of like this is this human design expert teacher who lives like a perfect life, and it's like no, I just like trash TV, and I'm not saying you claim that, but it's like that's. It's the perception from being a public figure and being someone who is an expert in something. People start to kind of dehumanize you and they don't even realize they're doing that. And then all of a sudden you're like well, I like trash TV and these other crazy things and I like so many other things and there are so many other facets of me that have nothing to do with this system. This is like simply just one container that I dip my toes in and it means a lot and it's threaded throughout my whole entire life and I look at life through this lens. But my, the life that I'm looking at, is filled with all of these other things that aren't that thing. That's just like a language.
Alex Cantone: 25:42
I speak in the background.
Vaness Henry: 25:49
Such a desire to be transparent like such a desire to like talk about the like silly everyday things and then dip into oh my God, this celebrity, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, she's, she's valleys or she's, you know like. I still want to be able to talk how I talk and use my languages. It's just the subject and the point and the focus is not that that's braided in the background. I just want an opportunity to be a character, yeah, and, and that character is a weirdo and I want to, but I want to redefine what that weirdo is. So what's your character? Who's your character? You're playing right now? Yeah, or you're? You have a show.
Alex Cantone: 26:21
Oh, we're putting ourselves in a show. Okay, we have a show.
Vaness Henry: 26:23
Yeah, you have a show and cause this is what six lines do. Everything's just a show.
Alex Cantone: 26:30
You design a show and you basically pick aspects You're famous.
Vaness Henry: 26:31
You have a show, but you basically pick aspects of your character and amplify them Right For the character. Okay, yeah, yeah. So who's your character?
Alex Cantone: 26:42
Okay, well, the first thing that came into mind is it's like humorous and also emotional, which I really like bringing those two things together, because I think there is sometimes like, uh, there's a time to be funny and then there's like a time to be serious, and it's just like what it fit is blended and I think we've gotten really serious about like spirituality and wellness and all of this stuff, and I'm we've gotten really serious about like spirituality and wellness and all of this stuff, and I'm not plugged into the internet too much right now.
Alex Cantone: 27:08
I just newly came back online so I don't really know what's like happening in the scene, which is very odd for me to feel. So I'm like I have no idea what people are talking about right now, like I don't know these trends. I don't understand your power view.
Vaness Henry: 27:22
You're going to naturally, just see it's going to be so cool to see what you, what you decide to go watch. You know cause you're. You'll be looking for whatever you're looking for.
Alex Cantone: 27:30
I do think that there has. There is so much more of a pull of just like casual real life and authenticity. And I know that sounds maybe really cliche and like, oh, everyone's doing that now, but it's like, yeah, because we're just craving it. Like if someone is trying to teach me something and I haven't asked them for that information, I'm like I don't want to know what you're talking about, get away from me. I just want to know what you are doing and I want to know what's going on and I want to see and understand and talk about maybe the deeper meaning behind things. But I think what I like about you and I if we're talking about like the character roles that you and I play is we can just go in this kind of ebb and flow and it's like we can get so so, so, so deep and then break the ice and giggle and come out of it and then kind of go back in again.
Vaness Henry: 28:19
I love that.
Alex Cantone: 28:19
I think that is sometimes a second line thing, because I love to be in a space where you can go down to the depths and rise up and soar and have this huge flexibility and it can be light and it doesn't have to be this like we're not pulling each other down and then making and dragging it down and being so like oh, and I'm so sorry that that happened to you and all of this stuff and oh, I'm like, I'm so tired of that, like fake empathy and that kind of thing where it's just like, if you don't know what to say, you can just like crack a joke or move on, and it's not. It's not about us listening to each other, it's just about our energies like being we don't want to listen to each other and we don't want to be serious.
Vaness Henry: 28:59
We're not listening to each other, I'm just listening to myself talking, I'm just.
Alex Cantone: 29:02
I'm just here for listening to myself and listening to my to my voice back, you know, but really, okay.
Vaness Henry: 29:07
Well, this is exactly what I mean. Like I would be able to make fun of you, make fun of me.
Alex Cantone: 29:13
Um, but who's?
Vaness Henry: 29:14
your character. I've said to you I'm the weirdo shamanic person who sees colors and tones, and that's. I'm going to read your energy and I'm a parent and I'm a new author in a new realm. Tell me who's your character. You're playing. Yeah, I didn't answer the question. Well, you have a G center. That's just why I'm doing this. I'm like I'm playing a character. Here's who I'm going to be.
Alex Cantone: 29:37
Maybe it's easier for me to answer who I'm being right now in my real, real life.
Vaness Henry: 29:43
That is what I'm asking you. I'm not picking an artist.
Alex Cantone: 29:50
I am literally what I said. Oh well, you were like we have a show and we're doing this thing, and I was like, okay, well, we can talk about this show. Am I going to play this character in this?
Vaness Henry: 29:54
show.
Alex Cantone: 29:55
You're presenting yourself, I'm presenting myself.
Vaness Henry: 29:58
I am a mom, here we go. Yes, I am a mom.
Alex Cantone: 30:03
I am someone. Recently I was talking to her and she was asking me. A friend was asking me about because I don't tell anyone that I like design houses, and why not, I don't know. Chris is like why don't you just come out and say they ask you what you do? And you're like oh, I don't do anything, I don't work. And he's like what are you talking about? That's such bullshit. He's like she designs houses and what is that about? It's not even like a shit, it's just more like I'm not thinking about it as a job.
Alex Cantone: 30:34
I do notice, you skirt away. Yeah, I'm just like.
Vaness Henry: 30:39
oh, I just yeah, we like flip houses and I design sometimes, and you make a shit ton of money on like let's be clear. You like, let's be clear, you don't work nine to five and you make a shit ton of money in this casual, relaxed way that you do, which can become high stress, but you you do work Well.
Alex Cantone: 30:54
I think that's why it doesn't feel like if someone asks me what I do for work, it's like I'm just kind of like, well, I I'm here and there, like I I'm really just a mom, but I also I'm kind of doing this design stuff and I'm not like trying to sell myself short. It's just more like it really has become such a seamless thing and so easy and so not work like that. I don't feel like I have to try, or like work to make money. It's like set up so well in this way that I didn't even know it was possible. It truly doesn't feel like work, and I don't mean that as like do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life, like we work hard, but it just like doesn't feel like I'm working.
Vaness Henry: 31:36
You're preaching, you're preaching. You're preaching the choir, because I can't define what I do. I sit in my house and look at my computer and read books and study and like talk on the internet Like it makes no fucking sense. Yeah, and to try and tell like like, how do you make this much money? I don't know. I exist on the internet.
Alex Cantone: 31:51
I don't know, it just happens. Yeah, okay, but anyway, so back to my story. So then I'm telling, I'm telling my friend, and I'm like, yeah, oh, chris. And I was like, oh, she's like, yeah, you're an artist, so am I? You were artists. And I was like, okay, and she's like, just own that you're an artist, like I can tell, I can see it. And I was like, what's this?
Vaness Henry: 32:13
projection. I'm an artist, I can see it in you. How'd that feel?
Alex Cantone: 32:18
I was just like oh, okay, you know, maybe I don't know. I feel like I'm not really holding on to any like identities right now. I'm just like, I don't know, I'm just like me and I'm. When things feel like me, then I feel good. When my home feels like me, then I feel good. When the pictures that come out from the houses that we do are clearly like my signature, essence, design, style, whatever it is, that feels great. When I come out in an outfit and Chris is like that outfit is so you like that look, you do this is such an. He'll be like this is such an Alex Cantone thing even though I'm technically not Alex Cantone anymore but like it's like, that's like a persona, and he's like, oh, that is, that is so Alex, that is so Alex. And I'm just like oh yeah, I love that, Like that's my favorite moment.
Vaness Henry: 33:08
I'm having a moment because I'm looking at you and I'm going somewhere else and, um, interesting, every time I need to do a different kind of thought. I changed the color of pen I'm taking notes with. That's so peculiar.
Alex Cantone: 33:20
I used to have that like pen that had 10 different colors on it and you would like click. You're so cool, you're so cool, you're just like five girl, ultimate cool girl?
Vaness Henry: 33:29
I don't want to. I don't want to lose my train of thought here. I was watching you and listening to you and I'm like to me, flipping houses is such an incredible shore example to go through the transformation to dip into that even then to go dip back into, you know, family life. I am not understanding what is making this person so unwell. What is it that is going on here, like I'm, I'm, I'm really kind of looking at that like this and, um, I really think that's only something that you're going to be able to answer. But you are getting like loud signals in your body, yeah, and when you're telling me what's going on, it sounds like things are set up in good ways and so so I just, I just want to, but and also you're not proud or something, because you're not even identifying that you flipped the houses Like I get that. You're like, oh, maybe I didn't realize I was doing that, I don't know, but there is something maybe going on.
Alex Cantone: 34:25
Well, I have nowhere to say it, like I'm not telling anyone because we're just doing it. You know what I mean.
Vaness Henry: 34:30
You're not Alex Cantone anymore, and so I I. I. Okay, she had a little response there.
Alex Cantone: 34:37
No, sorry, my, I'm just. I'm waiting to find out if we got this house and I got a text from Chris and I was like is it is? It is it. We can stop everything we're doing. We didn't. I didn't hear him from anything.
Vaness Henry: 34:46
She also happens to be bidding on a fucking mansion right now, and I think she's going to get it because she made.
Vaness Henry: 34:50
She went and made friends with the fucking owner, their G center, just magnetized shit. It's just fascinating to watch her live. Okay, but I, I I do want to say I had the moment on the roof where I did have to change my name. Yeah, and and and and I didn't think I would be this way, you know, cause I'm like I'm independent, but I never felt connected to my name before, cause I did, I was ostracized from that and estranged from that side of the family. So I just I was never in my life attached to it and was always like I will change my name and I had different pen names.
Vaness Henry: 35:22
Like I was always fucking with my name and when I fell in love with a Henry, I was like gorgeous name, love that, want that. I can't wait to have that because it's so basic, it could be anyone, like there was something about that that I was attracted to and that sounds weird, but it's like, but then I go by Vanessa Henry, not Vanessa Ray Henry, which is my actual name, because everyone, anyone, could have that name. So I still do like make it fucking unique. You know what I mean.
Vaness Henry: 35:46
So it's still weird but there was something that happened like a reclaiming of an identity as planting two feet on the roof saying this is who I am. When I did that and you know we're different but I felt weird with having a different name than my kids and I didn't. I actually had some issues with the government needing to prove he was my kid because we had different names. So peculiar Like I was like do you want a video?
Alex Cantone: 36:11
That's what.
Vaness Henry: 36:11
I've become afraid of too. It does happen Cause some of the things are cause, some of the systems are archaic. Um, and I was a part of a little kerfuffle with that as, as a bunch of women were in this one year across the prairies, it was very strange. Anyway, it left a really bad taste in my mouth too, like I was like do you want a video If I'm coming out of my vagina, what do you mean? I have to prove this is my fucking kid. My doctor had to write a note. It was so bizarre. Anyway, when I claimed my new character, there was some type of empowerment that happened for me. Now I'm an ego manifester, so you know, but I wonder if there is some kind of still living in old identity or something, because you're the identity person and maybe there could be something that happens that is like stepping out, like you couldn't even tell me who your character was of. Like I, this is my name. Now this is what.
Alex Cantone: 37:01
I don't think about it. I don't think about it. Yeah, yeah, but also yeah. So, okay, I'm hearing what you're saying and so I'm going through the same exact thing. I'm not I'm actually still tech legally, alex Cantone, but I just started going through the process of changing it. I did not realize how it's kind of complicated. Hey, what the hell you have to send in so many paper. It's insane. I'm like can I, who, can I pay to do all?
Vaness Henry: 37:26
of this for me. It's just so crazy. That was me. And you can't pay anyone, you have to do it.
Alex Cantone: 37:32
You have to do it yourself. You have to go to social security. You don't want to spend any time there. Get this.
Vaness Henry: 37:38
It's even more complicated if you're a fucking public figure and have a business, because I'm a corporation, right right right. So I had to. I had to fucking dissolve my business and make a new business, because it was like this old person owns this company and it was like it was fucking. It was fucking crazy. It cost me so much money. I couldn't believe I was like to Derek we are never getting divorced.
Vaness Henry: 38:00
If you, if you want to separate, if you want to fucking separate me, goal of your life like I'm not, I'm not binding you here, but I'm filling out no paperwork ever again. This was absolutely insane.
Alex Cantone: 38:06
Yeah.
Vaness Henry: 38:07
Worth it, but it was an experience like totally because you know, when you're young and you don't have anything established, it's not hard, but when you've like built your life and have all this shit, it's it's kind of complicated but then you start to like blend your life with someone else and you're like this would be so much easier if we were just the Goulds right, if we were, if it wasn't like we're at an airport, we're traveling, it's this, it's that, even like something, the gym.
Alex Cantone: 38:32
And I'm calling them and I'm like this is Alex Cantone calling about Sienna Gould and they're like who is it?
Vaness Henry: 38:37
And I'm like Sienna's mom, like we had to write certain letters because if we traveled, because we had different names, yeah, like, yeah it does. It's weird. It weirdly complicates things in a way that is just like I don't, I don't want to do this, you know, yeah.
Alex Cantone: 38:52
And so back to maybe this is all making sense in the, in the thread of this. This whole thing is I wasn't ready until recently, like when I, when we first got married and it was this, you know, we had done it secretly and we had just eloped and I was like I'm still Alex Cantone and I don't feel ready to leave that part of me yet, and I really needed two years to now I have a two-year-old and a nine-month-old and I'm like these are children and I want to have the same name as them and it's now just become an inconvenience to not have the same name as them. So I started going through the process. Like it's not wild, last week when I lost my voice, actually, I started going through the process. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't even think of that. So maybe I am going through a little bit of an. I wouldn't call it an identity crisis, I'd call it an identity shift.
Vaness Henry: 39:38
I think there's a little death happening. There's a little.
Alex Cantone: 39:41
There's a little death happening, yeah, and then I like downloaded Instagram again and I was like what's going on on here? And then my name is Alex Cantone. I'm like, who is this person Like? What would I even say? What would I even write? What like who, who I really don't. And now I'm getting my tattoos removed and I'm like I just feel like I'm totally like not the person that I was.
Vaness Henry: 40:00
I just yeah, before we jumped on this call, I was like I hate that just jumping on the call and hitting record. You know you have to like ease in, but you always say so many fucking things, so many valuable insights. I'm like I just didn't hit record right now and you're telling me you're getting your tattoos removed. This was like a huge thing you did while going on the roof. Like a big part of your going on the roof experience was getting a bunch of cool tattoos on your hands and arms. Yes, and now we're talking about getting them removed and how toxic that experience is. And then my own naivete. I was like, oh, are like having tattoos toxic? She's like, yeah, girl. I was like, oh my God, like all my traumas rushing to the surface, like what have I done to myself? Oh my God, so you have these bandages on your hand. Yeah, so this came about because you're like I don't feel like this person with these hand tattoos anymore.
Alex Cantone: 40:48
Yeah, I was like I just don't. And the interesting thing is I feel more me. Like I feel like I'm coming back to me being a mom. I'm like, oh my gosh, this is me. You know, this is what I was meant for Like I feel more me than I ever have before. I'm like playing a sport again, which was a huge part of my life growing up. Chris and I have gotten super into pickleball, which is just. It literally has taken over my life. It's so much fun.
Vaness Henry: 41:17
We have pickleball courts and tennis courts here and the way I dream about playing with you guys.
Alex Cantone: 41:20
Oh my gosh, it's so fun.
Vaness Henry: 41:22
I know it's so fun, these two little prissy, oh, but you're so athletic and competitive. Oh, I'm competitive too, though. We are very, we are very competitive and we have picked it up quite quickly and we literally play in tournaments and Derek is going to be losing his mind editing this because all he wants is to get me to do fun activities like this and I'm like, get me some friends and then I will.
Alex Cantone: 41:42
Oh my gosh. No, we joke Cause we're like we don't even do everything together, Like we're not together 24, seven, but everything we do work together and you raise kids together, we work together, we have, we're parents together.
Vaness Henry: 41:54
We same life. Same life with my best friend. You know, we play pickleball together.
Alex Cantone: 41:57
We're like, but how do we, how do we do all that but then also spend like no time with one another? You know what I mean, okay.
Vaness Henry: 42:04
But that is valid, though. Like you do have to make you know I have learned you do have to make the effort to like, come together and talk to each other, to actually all of a sudden you fucking live and it's like I. So, yeah, but I've seen you too and you're playful, you know, when you have your, when you come together, you're like silly little kids. Yeah, we're guys. And then you got to go play mom and dad.
Vaness Henry: 42:24
Then you got to go play mom and dad. But you do, yeah, you have the, you have their dynamics, yeah, so I feel like I am more me than I've ever been.
Alex Cantone: 42:33
But I'm holding onto all of these parts of me that I had created, maybe out of like from a void, from a dissatisfaction, from like a feeling, like a lost feeling, like when I think about that time in my life of going onto the roof, of being in sky closet. You know, my business was I was just trying to figure out, like how to make it work and how to kind of get to the next level, and I couldn't figure it out and I felt like I couldn't just like stick to something and Okay, but you also had lots of success as well.
Vaness Henry: 43:04
Oh, a hundred percent. You were very recognized, it had been very profitable.
Alex Cantone: 43:07
But then you were literally just going on the roof Like, yeah, and it just felt like kind of everything was like spiraling and crumbling and it was exciting and it was a cool time, but it was also very challenging and there were a lot of decisions that I made and things that I did that were sort of like coming from this feeling of I think I know who I am and I think I know what I want, but I don't know why I don't like have any of it or feel solid return yeah.
Alex Cantone: 43:40
And now I feel so solid and grounded and stable and taken care of and all of these things and your family's around you. You're not alone. I have a family and I have children. Like what do you mean? I can create kids with my body and they look like me. Oh, I can make humans. Yeah, I literally am the creator, thank you. But but what I'm missing is that reflection and that processing and that like oh, you got to look back now and start seeing what happened to you.
Alex Cantone: 44:11
Yeah, yeah, the stopping and the recognizing and the being like hey you, oh, oh my God, oh, I'm here, oh, I'm here, you're a six line.
Vaness Henry: 44:21
Now, you have to now, of course, of course, of course. You're now on the roof, officially, legs are crossed, you're sitting there, you're meditating inner vision, living your life, taking care of your babies. This is all metaphorical, of course, and and and literal in other ways, but you now are tasked with looking out at what happened to you and what your experiences were. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, yes, okay, oh my gosh, yes. And you have to now process and express this, otherwise you're. So I, what it was sounding like I was like she needs like a release and a cleanse like of, like past identities, past loves, like she has to process and get those things out of her system. And she hasn't done that. She's clogged up, she can't do anything. So what's coming up?
Alex Cantone: 45:01
I remember talking to you about this because you were really there for me when I was going onto the roof and you were. You are a couple of years ahead of me, right, like four or five years ahead of me. So you're like, this thing that you're going through right now is the exact feeling. But even though you were telling me, right, these things are going to happen and this is how you're going to feel, and you, you had that hindsight from your, your personal experience I couldn't see it.
Vaness Henry: 45:31
I was like, okay, hear you, it's comforting, that's kind of it's unfair to actually even say to you I don't think that was the right move. I don't think that was the right move.
Alex Cantone: 45:39
For me. It was for me. That's what I needed For me. I needed, in a way, you were sort of mapping it out for me by just sharing your experiences and I'm just dissecting things from you, sharing your personal stories with me. So I don't think you were doing anything wrong.
Vaness Henry: 45:54
I'm like I hope I didn't tell you how you should feel.
Alex Cantone: 45:57
No, no, no, it was like this is what happened to me and it was painting a path for me and I remember you specifically saying things about like parent dynamics and you're going to realize things, cause I'm realizing these things and suddenly I'm realized how, realizing how traumatic these things are, and I was like, oh, but you know I'm, I'm fine with my parents and I'm fine with all these things and these things just happen because I was still the child that that had, all that stuff had happened to.
Alex Cantone: 46:28
Yes, then I became a parent and then I have these children.
Vaness Henry: 46:32
You're going to relate to your parent in a new way now. New understanding now yeah.
Alex Cantone: 46:36
And even though my relationship with my parents has actually become better, in this present moment, I become so much more aware of their pitfalls and their mistakes and all of the things that they did and all of the trauma that I carry from the ways that they were to me and the things that I didn't receive as a child and the grief and the sadness that I feel from that, and that is something that has been really, really eyeopening.
Alex Cantone: 47:14
Now that I'm sitting here and I'm like, oh, this is what has happened to me. Oh, my gosh, yeah, that is really fucking hard, like that was really hard, and you can have this thing that you're having right now with them or with anyone, or with your life. But also it's like I don't know if other people experienced this, but the six line experience is like my life is happening right now, but now, all of a sudden, I'm able to finally think about and look at what happened then and for the past 30, and I also feel so, I want to say, alone, but I don't feel lonely but it's like I feel alone and sometimes I feel like the thing that I really just want to do more than anything else and what feels like the best role for me to be in, especially as a parent, is really to just be the observer in the room and to sit back and watch.
Alex Cantone: 48:22
I think that's actually why pickleball is really great for me. This whole entire podcast becomes about me playing pickleball. It's a girl, it's a court, it's a shore. It's a shore. And it's also this time where I can be on a stage and it's like when I get to move my body and move energy and I can actually be really active in my environment, which I which I know is really good for me because I spend a lot of time even though I'm doing the parenting thing. I really enjoy three adults in the room and I can be the adult that's watching, and then there's an adult with each of my kids and I can kind of like be a part of it and be there to to respond if I need to.
Alex Cantone: 48:59
But it's like you've got like two generators in there and they're doing, they're responding, and they're doing all the doing, and then I'm just kind of like orchestrating the environment I.
Vaness Henry: 49:10
I had to restructure my whole fucking life to make it work for me as a manifester Cause. I was realizing I was living like a generator and for me it was being in response to the kid. That was extremely demanding on me.
Alex Cantone: 49:21
It's really hard. That's how I feel when I'm alone with them is I'm a generator and I'm like this is exhausting. I'm exhausted two hours in. I'm exhausted. 15 minutes in two hours is is very generous, but 15 minutes I'm like oh, can someone come out me?
Vaness Henry: 49:36
I think the, the newborn to two, is some of the hardest time for sure. And, and now that Hawk is 10, he is so smart, has so many talents, I can have full intellectual conversations with him. Like it is a blast. I, like a teenager, I am like excited I'm going into like the tween chapter and I'm like this like me and Derek are just like so proud and marvel at this fucking creature. You know, or like this creation is amazing. Could you believe how beautiful this child is, best thing I've ever done with my life, and then I would never do it again. You know, cause I'm like, oh, like cause sometimes we're like imagine having a little baby now and I'm like no, I don't like everything going on with my dog and the demand of
Vaness Henry: 50:17
the care for her is like like having a newborn and I'm like, ooh, I'm older now. Like I'm 36, now I'm, I have my kid at 26. I'm not, I'm not doing it, I'm not, I'm not, I'm older. It feels different, but what I'm wanting to say is everything you were just talking about. Is this your focus? Is this what you need to express and self-project around? Is this your show? Processing, looking back, eye-opening experiences, revelations, contrast of the now and the then I think it is.
Alex Cantone: 50:48
I think it's that like dance between where are we now and what happened and how is the past influencing the present? Like, how is what happened in the past influencing how I'm being and what I'm doing in the present? Like, how is what happened in the past influencing how I'm being and what I'm doing in the present? Because that's something that I really care about as a parent and with my work in the world that I've done previously and then I still feel like I'm doing in my own way is parenting is so important to me and raising these kids is so important to me in the way that I be with them and the way that I talk with them. I get really, really down on myself and frustrated when I don't feel like I have the capacity to respond and show up in the way that I want to.
Alex Cantone: 51:32
Yeah, that's hard, because I'm so overstimulated and fried and I just am like I don't know what to tell you. And then Hartley's like hi, mama, and I'm like neutralized, okay, we're back, you know, but there's so much that's so hard on the body, though that's that girl.
Vaness Henry: 51:50
That's a lot.
Alex Cantone: 51:51
Yeah, yeah, and I think that's what I'm not forced accountability.
Alex Cantone: 51:56
You know like and I have therapy right, but it's like like different because I go to therapy and I have, like you still have to live it. Yeah, three weeks of shit. That's happened. I'm like I don't know what I'm talking about today. It's like I need like a and you're a talker, it's like a regular thing and I it takes me so long to even get into the. What do I need to work on in therapy? Because I'm like, well, I just want to tell you everything that's happened in the past three weeks.
Alex Cantone: 52:20
And she's like okay, well, I think we're like there's a lot that's happening in your head, like what's going on in your body, and I'm like but I need to like talk to get to that. You know, and she understands that. But I think, my point being the frequency and the format isn't it's one thing that's very helpful for me, but there's more that I need, that I'm not getting, that I need to be real with myself about, and that's like me getting to talk about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it and why I'm doing it, and also realizing and discovering those whys and hows through the talking, because a lot of the time, it's not until I've really allowed myself to exhaust that vocal motor, until I'm like oh yeah, I did that to you the other day and I haven't boxered for a long time. That was brilliant and so long. And I'm talking about this house situation and I'm telling you the story of this manifestation of this house that we're possibly getting.
Alex Cantone: 53:24
And you were using the tea bath. It was in the tea bath, you liked it, I started in the bath and I did it was my whole entire bath that I boxered you. It was amazing, love, that, okay, great, and I'll talk about that after. Oh yeah, the bath was so good but I felt so good and I slept so well that night.
Alex Cantone: 53:41
Good and I think I just have to be real with myself that that's something that's important. It's like I've got to talk, I've got to get it all out, Otherwise I'm talking in my sleep to myself. Okay.
Vaness Henry: 53:51
But like yes, okay, yes, intervision, but also let's talk about what you did in the bath. Yeah, okay, cause I I've been in a deep study around thirst over the last couple of years, which is everybody I've been working with privately and they all get dehydrated and it can. It can become very, very like serious. What I like about tea baths this is a company I found in Okie tea bath. It's based on like Japanese bath house and they put a bunch of different kinds of herbs together. We got big Al the postpartum friendly one together. We got Big Al the postpartum friendly one.
Vaness Henry: 54:22
And I'm interested in these because, you know, shamanically, no matter what culture you go to in the world and evaluate their spiritual practices, they use plant material in some way. Whether we are ingesting the plant material through, like a tea or something like ayahuasca or cannabis, or if we are burning it and smoke, cleansing or smudging, another way we can ingest it is in a bath and because you're shores and because you're thirst, I liked the idea of hydrating through the water outside your body rather than putting it inside your body, especially with the support of plant materials around you. So, first of all, I sent this to her around Christmas 2024. It got lost in the mail. She finally got it at this weird peculiar time the postage stamp said November.
Alex Cantone: 55:05
Oh my God, yeah.
Vaness Henry: 55:08
Okay, so I I I designed her ego manifestor baby a little blanket and had my mom make it, cause my mom is a knitwear designer, has this fucking heart on it, wanted it to be an Al's colors. And then I wanted to tuck Al with this little like bath treat, because we're shores people, we love baths, we have baths and box for each other. I thought it was cute. I was interested in how it would impact her. It gets lost. I'm devastated. It shows up months later when she's in this strange time. So now last week it shows up last week. That's fucking wild, yeah.
Vaness Henry: 55:36
So you're using this plant material in a shore environment. So you're using it in a bathtub. You've submerged your body in water, which we know is good for shores people, because the density is different. It is hard being alive on land. You are attuned for a future place that isn't here yet. So for you it is challenging to be here. And when you submerge your body in water there's a different kind of relaxation that can come over the body because the density is different. Life isn't so dense. And then now we put the plant material around you to actually hydrate you properly external hydration instead of internal, so that you can prepare the body to be internally hydrated.
Vaness Henry: 56:14
You then, what do you do? Boom, you self-project for 45 minutes. You're just fucking processing, and so that I can see, through a lot of the things that you were saying, how your inner vision cognition deeply does connect to your self-projected authority and your ability to self-navigate and know what you like and what you wanna do. But you're not always set up, maybe doing the self-care rituals that you know really work for you. We set up, maybe doing the self-care rituals that you know really work for you.
Vaness Henry: 56:41
Maybe you need to switch them up from time to time because you're a thirst person. So maybe sometimes it's a bath, maybe sometimes it's pick a ball, maybe sometimes it's the gym, maybe sometimes it's calling a girlfriend and just recognizing when you've got to switch it up. Yeah, and what? And? And you know you're in the right vibe, you know you're in the right environment. When you start self-projecting you're like, boom, I'm in the zone, let's go. You know. And like, look at you, reset your environment right here with me to set yourself up to talk Like you're going to do it anyway.
Alex Cantone: 57:06
Yeah Well, what was interesting about that too was I didn't really know, because I feel so out of practice, I didn't really know if I had anything to say, but I just had this inkling it's so valid and I knew that you were a safe and good person to just start with, and I was like I think I started the Voxer with like I don't really know, I think I just need to say something and I think I just need to like tell you a story, and then I just started talking.
Vaness Henry: 57:38
I'm in the bath with my red light.
Alex Cantone: 57:40
Yeah, I was like I think I just need to start telling you what happened, because I just like need to process what just happened and that was really important for me and I think it used to be something that was just my daily thing that I was doing all the time and I wasn't thinking about it and I it just was very.
Vaness Henry: 57:59
You know, when you're in the practice of something, it's just such an important point here, like we can fall out of practice. It's a practice. It takes awareness to take care of yourself, of yourself, especially when you have to take care of other people who seem like way more of a fucking priority, right Because of the vulnerability so you're you're showing me right now. We can fall out of practice. It's a practice.
Alex Cantone: 58:26
My kids don't know what I'm saying yet. I mean, I'm talking to them, but they can't hear me. I mean yeah they're hearing me, they're modeling my behavior, but like I can't have a chat, it can't be everything to you though. Yeah, I can't have a chat with my kids right now. It's not like that. There's no, there's no. Like I'm not getting. It takes a decade.
Vaness Henry: 58:47
It takes a decade to develop Right now I mean the return on investment is very, very small.
Alex Cantone: 58:54
at the moment, I'm getting immense amount of love.
Alex Cantone: 58:57
Yeah, they know my name now, yeah, yeah, I'm getting love, and once in a while I get and I love you. But I mean, the moments are, it's just different. It's different right now and when you're in this phase, it's like we're tired at the end of the night. So I'm sometimes I don't even I'm too tired to talk, and that's frustrating too, Cause I want to talk but I'm too tired to talk and I'm like, oh, I just need to like read my book and go to bed and like, not think, you know. But then I wake up two hours later and I'm just thinking cause I didn't talk.
Vaness Henry: 59:33
Brains going. Yeah, the inner vision, cognition, is a periodic tone, so sometimes you're just going to have periods of mental stimulation and sometimes you won't, and oftentimes cause your inner vision. It's middle of the night, always at night, yeah, and it's almost honestly like those people should just get up and just use the energy, cause that's when it's coming, cause it is, it's a passive time.
Vaness Henry: 59:54
So it is a kind of night right, exactly so your life could be designed that way. But now it's like well, I really got to get this sleep because the kids are sleeping I need the sleep.
Alex Cantone: 1:00:02
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's different now, but I can see in the future being able to do that again, because I wake up with ideas, but then I'm like well, but the blue light, and then I'm not going to be able to sleep, and I can't just like go back to sleep in the middle of the day.
Alex Cantone: 1:00:15
I used to be able to get up at three o'clock in the morning and write a whole entire course and then, all of a sudden, I can sleep from 11 AM to 2 PM, you know, but I can't do that right now. It's like I can't sleep during that time.
Vaness Henry: 1:00:29
So it's different, because I'm like this is nighttime and I need to be asleep and my brain can't be waking me up, right now, but this is, this is this is the point I was making before of where I feel like I'm waiting because I know where you are and I know that time is challenging and I know it gets more spacious. So I'm like I would hate to give her the invitation, put her in the experience, and she can't actually do it. It's not actually the right time, like, and then she's got to come and fucking have that conversation with me, you know. So like I have the desire and it's there. I'm just like I think, with you know, having like friend circle shift and falling out with some friends, I'm kind of hyper aware of not wanting to put something unintentional on someone. So I maybe have a little bit of PTSD, but and and and. Okay, I acknowledge that and I will work on that.
Alex Cantone: 1:01:19
I will work through that.
Vaness Henry: 1:01:20
Yeah, and I get that I feel cautious and scared to initiate something that is not quite right for you, cause I'd want it to be perfect, you know, and so then I'm kind of obsessing over that, but I'm also listening to you Six lines trying to be perfect, I know.
Alex Cantone: 1:01:34
It's shocking.
Vaness Henry: 1:01:35
I'm like. I want to be transparent, not vindictive, authentic but I want to be perfect, says the demon. That's weird, says the inner demon, but what I was hearing here, though, is that that it might be a good thing, and you, you don't necessarily need me. You can always go do things on your own, but I can't, and so you might not be able to be there I think I need you.
Vaness Henry: 1:01:51
I don't think I can do things, so tell me again. Who is this character I'm foreseeing she's going to live in this fun new mansion with this 360 glass room on top. She's going to have a different name. I'm waiting for her to tell me how I'm going to address her. That's where the show should be. You should record in that top floor. That's where the recording should be. That's going to be.
Alex Cantone: 1:02:10
Oh, my God.
Vaness Henry: 1:02:11
I'll fly out sometimes creative little office thing.
Alex Cantone: 1:02:16
It's like a, it's a studio. That's the first thing that I thought when I went up there. I'm like, oh, this is a studio.
Vaness Henry: 1:02:21
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, a fun.
Alex Cantone: 1:02:23
And this is where you go and you have your desk and your desk is in the middle of the room and you can see the mountains and you can create and you can think and you can go to the into the sky and process. And that's what I need you have a little retreat that you can be above it all and be able to look out and actually breathe and see that and just unplug. Yeah, because that's what I'm missing.
Vaness Henry: 1:02:49
Okay, and when I walked through that house I was just like this has all of the elements that my body needs because it has all these little like vignettes and different spaces Fun, and that one just really stuck out to me and like can we just appreciate, like you're, you're renting right now and then there's a limitation of what you can do in that space, but you guys flip houses Right, so it makes sense to me that you would want to be able to do that in the home that you live in, like I get that.
Alex Cantone: 1:03:19
I feel like I'm trapped in this gray home box and I'm like this is not my home. This is not okay.
Vaness Henry: 1:03:26
This is not the G center person says this is not my home, so, and to me that then becomes the priority. Well, what? I've only lived here for so long. Who gives a fuck? You're not happy, move. And people, I have a lease. I'll break my lease every day. Like do I mean? Like I'm dying here? That's how I perceive it, but I've also built a life completely around that thesis, right? So if I'm not living that way, you know?
Alex Cantone: 1:03:48
well, that's how I feel too, though. I'm like well, I'm going to be this person who self expression and my life being an extension of like my identity is so important to me, but my own home isn't going to be this extension of my identity. How could I live like that? How could I live like that? And I think it sometimes doesn't feel important.
Vaness Henry: 1:04:12
You shared this with me that it was the neighborhood that was calling to you. Yes, you know, and a neighborhood that could repel you. That is some shores, shit Like mountains, valleys, shores. People are so sensitive to things like that in a way that caves, markets and kitchens people simply are not. Yeah, they could be like, oh, I don't like this neighborhood, but they are not sensitive to it in the way that the landscape environments are just something to be aware of. So, so when you're like, oh, like, for you there is, it's not just about the house, cause, look at, you can flip the house and make it anything you want, right, yeah, but what you can't flip is who your neighbors are and how close the school is and where the grocery stores are, or how loud or quiet the street is, or what the view is around you. Like, all of that matters. That's landscape Feng Shui, that's like the energy around you comes in and impacts you in your home. Okay, so for you, you're sensitive to that. Okay so, okay, so caves.
Alex Cantone: 1:05:09
He's not sensitive to that caves partner. He is like I found this neighborhood and there's this house and this is just happening constantly, because we're always just looking at the next thing.
Vaness Henry: 1:05:20
The next project.
Alex Cantone: 1:05:22
Yeah, and he's like okay, I found this neighborhood. It's like a hidden gem. It's so cool, it's this close to this thing and that thing and the other thing and it's tucked in and all of this stuff. And he was like I want you to go check it out because we might get this property that's there major, three lane on each side road to even get into this neighborhood. He's not even thinking of that. He's not even thinking of that and it's only one entrance in, so there's only one way in and one way out and you have to go on and off this street every single time and I'm like great for him.
Alex Cantone: 1:06:06
So he's not even thinking about it. I was like Chris, this is horrible, I don't give a shit. The houses were so nice and they were beautiful. But I was like this is just a development, like trapped on a busy highway basically, and I could never live here because it doesn't feel at all safe. And he's like, yeah, but you can't see the street from your house, but how do I get to my fucking house?
Alex Cantone: 1:06:30
I got to use this, so every time I go, leave and come back, I have to drive on this busy ass street and I have to turn right when there's a three lane road of cars. That doesn't. There's no stoplights and they're just constantly coming and I have to wait at this light, like I immediately was, like I will never live here. I will never. I don't want to flip a house here. This is awful, but it just is all to say there's nothing for me. There was everything wrong with it for him.
Vaness Henry: 1:06:57
He's like landscape example.
Alex Cantone: 1:06:59
Yeah.
Vaness Henry: 1:07:00
Yeah, literally looking for different things.
Alex Cantone: 1:07:02
So, yeah, all to say it's, I think sometimes I don't feel like I minimize my like pickiness or like desires in that area because I have a partner who's like, well, yeah, I mean, our neighborhood's not great, but, like you know, our house is nice and I'm like, yeah, but it's not about the, it doesn't matter where, how nice the house is.
Vaness Henry: 1:07:27
Yeah, we can make the house into anything Like.
Alex Cantone: 1:07:29
that's what we do for a living, yeah, so that was just very eyeopening for me.
Vaness Henry: 1:07:32
But he's looking for good bones in the house right. To flip it Like yeah, he's looking for things like that, but you're going to be looking for, yeah, but families aren't going to like this neighborhood and that's why it works well together when we do this, because he can find a really good deal.
Alex Cantone: 1:07:46
But I have to be like he always takes me to it first, to be like do you think a family would want to live here?
Alex Cantone: 1:07:52
And I'm like well, the road and this thing and that house across the street is kind of weird and like there might be something sketchy going on there. So I can always like sense the exterior and he's about like the interior bones of the home and oh, this is such a good deal, and oh, the you know the comps and stuff around. And and oh, the you know the comps and stuff around. And I think that's why it works together really well, cause he'll always run it by me before he pulls the trigger, unless he like knows for certain. But for our own personal home search, that's been something that's been hard. It's almost like you've been to my house, to our house. I like the layout, I like everything's fine, but it's the neighborhood that I don't like.
Vaness Henry: 1:08:33
Okay.
Alex Cantone: 1:08:34
And I think that you're just making me realize, like I'm realizing, how important that is to me, and I've been kind of writing it off because I'm like, well, why do I care so much about that?
Vaness Henry: 1:08:44
I moved to this mountaintop because of the neighborhood right Like here are the amenities available.
Vaness Henry: 1:08:48
Like Derek's known, I'm shopping for a specific thing. Right, don't get me wrong. The house has to tick all the boxes, of course, of course. But it's really him who's also picky about that and I think it's perceived as it's always me, but he's he is as well. You know, he has his things where he won't even look twice at it.
Vaness Henry: 1:09:06
But we've lived in beautiful places with the lack of amenities or the lack of resources around or being too far out, and I was worried about that. Am I not going to have access to enough? Cause I, you know, when I owned my home in the country, I was too far out, didn't have what I needed, didn't have anything to watch, as the six line and the shores too far on the other side of the perimeter needed to be on the inside. So where we move now is completely based on the vibe and the atmosphere of the wider location, and how far it is does come into play. But like I walk out my door and I have all these private trails to go hiking, we have the pool, the sauna, that these are big, this is a big deal to me the pickleball court, the tennis court, the gardens, even the lake access and the beach house pizza area. Like I work at home. I live in my house more than my ancestors did. My parents left the home for nine, 10 hours every single day and then came home and slept there. I don't do that. I live in here all the time. So when I get out, I do want it to be very easily accessible to me. I do want to be able to walk out my door and go on a big hike. I do want to be able to walk over there and go for a swim, like that's the way I want to experience my environment. I don't want to drive 20 minutes to the gym. You know I'm just. I know myself I'm not going to do that. I'm, you know, right, right, yeah, like so path of least resistance. Yeah, and also, you know something that I kept me up.
Vaness Henry: 1:10:36
We were at the other place for um 18 months and it had. I was prepared to stay there Cause it had a stronghold on me, cause my kid could walk to school, like I could hear the school bell. It's like a sense of safety. I like I can see him walk all the way, like I liked that. And his school only goes up to grade six. So it was like, you know, I was never going to move him from that school, but because he could walk there, there was freedom for Derek not driving him, picking him up all the time, and the kids are done at like two o'clock, like it's in the middle of the fucking day. Like you, how, if you're working nine to five, what do you do? Yeah, how do you need a grandparent? It's wild, oh, yeah, it's wild. It's wild. So, but it worked out for us and he would just kind of kind of do that.
Vaness Henry: 1:11:13
But anyways, I liked the external neighborhood, the walkability to his school. But then it was Derek who was like we're paying for amenities that we don't have and they promised we would have them. He's crossed the demands. This is not meeting my demands. Now I want out. And I was like, okay, I love when you get like this, I'll do anything you want. You're like I can make it happen right now.
Vaness Henry: 1:11:35
What you want, baby, I will make it happen. And we did, like that's what I mean, like he, like we we very much have that dynamic. He kind of finds things and I'm like is that, do you want it, are you sure? Cause, if you do, I'll, I'll get it for you. And I will, like I will, yeah, it's wild. And now he knows I can do that and he kind of uses me a bit. You know he's like Missy, let's go.
Vaness Henry: 1:11:55
I want to go do this and I'm like fine, I love you, I'll do it.
Alex Cantone: 1:11:58
It's ridiculous.
Vaness Henry: 1:12:05
Yeah, the things we do for love. That's. That's me'm like. I want a cheeseburger, right.
Alex Cantone: 1:12:09
Oh yeah, he's like he's like fucker. I'm like, oh man, I'm just really craving this thing.
Vaness Henry: 1:12:15
And then suddenly it's there. Oh yeah, I do it to Huxley now too, like Huxley oh my gosh.
Alex Cantone: 1:12:21
Yeah, I, hartley, can now do like chores for me. I'm like, oh, can you throw away this trash? And he just like loves throwing away trash. I'm like this is awesome.
Vaness Henry: 1:12:30
I included Huxley in that like, just like that his whole life. And I have to say like and we kind of positioned it because we're a family of three, we're a small family, like we're a team, you know, and so like he's good with the chores and the responsibility, like this kid cleans his room every morning before school, cause that's just like what we did, you know, this is like how we live, so it just became normal for him. Or what started happening is like he does the dishwasher after we eat, you know, and now it's just like it becomes a little ritual, just becomes a little thing, and he's like so good about it, he like puts a podcast on, does the dishes, cause that's what he sees Derek do when Derek's cooking and he's just like for him it's like, oh yeah, we're living together, oh yeah, we're a team, it's fun, we're all roommates.
Vaness Henry: 1:13:10
Yeah, we're all roommates, we're all friends, but but they're, they're two little sacral beings, you know, and they yeah.
Alex Cantone: 1:13:15
Well, they want something to do too. That's the thing that it's like we have to recognize that right Like yes, oh yeah.
Vaness Henry: 1:13:23
Right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Alex Cantone: 1:13:25
You're that they actually want something to do, that we're not inconveniencing them or taking advantage of them. We're helping them utilize.
Vaness Henry: 1:13:34
I mean, I might take advantage sometimes, like I might sometimes be like can you get me a water, but you're right, of course.
Alex Cantone: 1:13:40
Can you fill my water? Can you get me a snack? Can you bring it to the bath? I forgot my towel.
Vaness Henry: 1:13:47
You know I will do the Sunday deep clean like the plants are watered, the floors are washed, the baseboards are wiped, I'm dusting, like I will go. I'll go ham on the Sunday, cause I want my week to be like you know, but they suck at that. Like they're just basically in my way when I want to do that, but where they rock is when they're doing those day-to-day tasks. So we have kind of like figured out a good rhythm of like just working with the energies that we have. Like sometimes Derek will start making the bed and I'm still in the bed. I'm in the bed. I haven't gotten up yet. Derek, like you're making me in the bed. He's laughing Like cause he just like gets in his little rhythm of what he's doing, you know, yeah, yeah.
Alex Cantone: 1:14:21
Yeah, it's just his thing. Uh-huh, anyway, you get caught in the rhythm of a generator and then suddenly you're living under a mattress generator obsessed.
Vaness Henry: 1:14:30
Like I love the generator I bow to the generator. I worship that power. I kiss derrick's belly like I'm like.
Alex Cantone: 1:14:35
Yes, yes belly boys love, love, sacral energy I am so grateful for a generator for the motor I'm so grateful for it. And it's so funny to see ch and Hartley, the two generators, in the home, and then me and Sienna and we're the two non-sake girls in the home and I'm just like, oh yeah, this is exactly what this dynamic is Like. There's just no, it's no mystery.
Vaness Henry: 1:15:01
She's a little sweet. China doll peaceful baby right.
Alex Cantone: 1:15:05
She's so sweet, she's so peaceful, and when I, whenever I'm around, she'll go and like, crawl and play by herself and do all types of things. She's just starting to crawl now. But if I'm in the room, all she wants to do is sit on my lap, like once she sees me she's like mom, she just wants to take me out down on my nap on my lap, and so I have to kind of keep my distance sometimes because I'm like you are going to stop exploring when I'm around. And I never had Hartley wasn't like that, hartley wasn't attached to me in that way. So this is a different experience for me that I have like a baby who's clingier, in that way where, when I'm around, she might get tired differently, right?
Alex Cantone: 1:15:44
Like yeah, she's like. Oh, I just want to be around you, you know carry me around.
Vaness Henry: 1:15:48
Fuck girl, I wanted to be. I still want to be carried. I said to Derek I, my goal is to be a hundred pounds lighter than you so I can be carried around. Like my mom, one of those baby carriers my mom said I used to, she's like, you used to just like. If she would go shopping, her and my sister, two markets generators like shopping. They were fucking vibing.
Vaness Henry: 1:16:06
They would bring me and I would start complaining about my legs so bad Like I was like, put me in the like, put me in the shopping cart in the car in the car, and then I'm getting too big and I'm like my mom was like you would always complain about your legs and she was just out and she was like so she was helping me kind of get established, my new place. And she was like do you remember you had compartment syndrome in your legs. I was like what?
Vaness Henry: 1:16:27
No, oh my God, I haven't heard that in a long time, where my muscles were too there wasn't space for them, and so I would get crazy pain in my legs and I was like, just just carry me, just want to be carried around. Still want to be carried around. I'm like, I'm a curvy person, I get it. Like you can't just carry me like, like a, like a monkey on your back. I get it, but I would love that I would.
Alex Cantone: 1:16:55
But he could if he just started lifting more weights and you know, I just like this idea of being a hundred pounds different. It's like all I'm hearing is that he just needs to get a little stronger. I'm not hearing. It's not a you problem, you're not big, you're right, it's him. I'm hearing that it needs to get stronger, but I, I, I get her, I get her.
Vaness Henry: 1:17:12
I'm like, carry me, let me sit on you.
Alex Cantone: 1:17:19
I'm still that way, so there's something to what motivated her to crawl is that I would sit on the other side of the room and she wants to crawl into my lap. So I with Hartley, we would like throw balls and he wanted to get the ball so he could like throw it and he was so much more motivated to do stuff and she's just more motivated to like relax on my lap, which is so funny and sweet. That is so relatable for me.
Vaness Henry: 1:17:41
My mom said she's like you just want to lay on the floor and not be touched, not be bothered in the environment.
Vaness Henry: 1:17:46
And she said and then someone would come touch you and you would freak out in rage. And so my mom was like just leave her alone. And they were like no, you can't have the baby on the floor. And my mom was like she loves it, like she loves her baby. But everybody else was coming in trying to fuck with me and I was like no, and I and I would snap, and I would snap, but then I would calm down.
Alex Cantone: 1:18:04
Same thing, Yep, Yep, and I think I disrupt it because I will like be like oh hi, baby. And then all of a sudden she's like oh no, I want you, but if I don't pay attention to her, or if I appear to not be paying attention to her, then she's just happy as a clam on the floor and Chris is like she's been playing on the floor by herself for 90 minutes Like she's just rolling around.
Vaness Henry: 1:18:24
There is a perception of others that, like that's, you need to give the baby a lot. But again, this is a manifestor baby. This is a manifestor baby who doesn't need as much from us as we think like so much of their process is oh, what am I able to figure out at a developmentally appropriate level?
Alex Cantone: 1:18:42
You know, no, she gets angry If we interfere, like if she's trying to figure something out and I try to interfere with what she's doing, she gets angry and she's like scream at me and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I forgot you were a manifester for a second Like.
Vaness Henry: 1:18:58
I will leave you be queen. I love it.
Alex Cantone: 1:19:00
I love it, I love my little, my sweet little peaceful manifester queen. She's so sweet.
Vaness Henry: 1:19:06
So it sounds like you're going through some transitions. A new establishing moment on the roof? Yeah, perhaps a name change. I wonder what it will be like. Will it be Al Alex Alexandria? What are we going to? Is it just going to be the end of the name changing? Who knows, who knows, maybe she'll have a podcast and that's how we'll find out what her name is If she comes back on air ever. But you are plugging in again. Maybe I can see it's going to happen. You're going to get to your house. You're going to be all proud of your life and you're just going to. You can't. You'll be called to share. You know you won't be able to help it. Okay, well, you just stopped to the phone buzz. What does it say? I'm going to answer it. Answer it. Answer it, okay. Hi, are you serious?
Alex Cantone: 1:19:47
I'm going to answer it.
Vaness Henry:
Answer it.
Alex Cantone:
Answer it, okay... Hi, are you serious?!
